


Through the Darkness and the Light

by Pussyhands



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Ableism, Angst, Angst and Humor, BPD, Canon-Typical Behavior, Eating Disorders, Enemies to Lovers, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, Happy Ending, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mid-life Crisis, Non-binary Charlie Kelly, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Post-Canon, Scheming, Slow Burn, Slurs, Smut, everybody has donkey brains, idiots to lovers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:01:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29123103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pussyhands/pseuds/Pussyhands
Summary: Mac has reached his limit, will Dennis be able to get his shit together and win him back?The fic where Macdoesn’tdo all the work and Dennis has to figure himself out and deal with his demons. Also, the gang being assholes, but also a little soft (just a little).
Relationships: Mac McDonald/Dennis Reynolds
Comments: 39
Kudos: 62





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the song “Despair” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. 
> 
> “You’re there through my wasted days, you’re there through my wasted nights, you’re there through my wasted years, you’re there through my wasted life.”

Old.

I can’t believe I let myself get so fucking old.

_Disgusting_.

Dennis is standing in front of the bathroom mirror, after his morning (midday actually, he _does_ own a bar after all) shower. 

His hair is falling damp on his forehead and he can see the bald spot he tries so hard to forget about. He knows there’s a matching one on the back of his head that he can’t see, which only adds to the horror of the situation. It’s part of why he always carries a compact mirror with him. It used to be just to check his makeup. Now he holds it behind himself in front of mirrors, windows, storefronts, checking to see if it’s visible. His remaining hair is looking silver at the roots. Goddamnit. It used to be he could go longer without a touch up and nobody would notice. 

Not anymore.

He looks waxy and pale without his foundation. Sickly. Wrinkles mar his erstwhile perfect skin, lines across his forehead, frown lines, deep groves at the corner of his eyes, and smile marks? Has he even smiled enough in his life to warrant those? And yet, for all these wrinkles he can count three pimples in various stages of ripeness. So he’s getting the worst of both worlds, old ugly, and young ugly. Great. Has he been flushing Frank’s money down the toilet with all those expensive creams and cleansers and toners and lotions? Nah, imagine how he’d look without them. He shudders at the thought. 

Dennis you sack of shit. Look at you. Who the fuck would want you like this? You’re a textbook example of an ugly, decadent old creep. Forty-four years, ancient. People on the street look at you and whisper to each other: “look at that disgusting slob. Look at that absolute wreck of a man. Who could ever love someone like that? Who could ever fuck him?” 

Dennis feels at his collarbones to calm himself down. Perfect, beautiful. The whole bone is visible through the skin, not an ounce of fat to hide them. He looks down at his sternum. It’s becoming more prominent now. 

Excellent, that’s excellent Dennis, you’re doing awesome. 

This, at least, he can control. 

You’re thin. You’re the thinnest you’ve ever been, getting thinner by the day. He gets the measuring tape out of the drawer. One quarter of an inch off his waist since Sunday. Perfect, magnificent. You may be old and disgusting, but you’re thin. Maybe from far enough away you can still pass off as twenty five? Gotta keep people far away then. 

Dennis hasn’t used the D.E.N.N.I.S system for at least a year. He hasn’t even had a one night stand for half as long, and the last time he did he was thinking about the tape behind his ears the whole time, praying that it wouldn’t fall off. 

Disgusting.

Too disgusting to even fuck. 

Sudden pounding on the bathroom door makes him jump. 

“HURRY UP BRO I NEED TO PEE!”

Goddamnit!

“JUST USE ONE OF THE JARS IN YOUR ROOM YOU FILTHY SAVAGE!” 

Of course Mac has piss jars in his room. His bladder would explode if he had to wait for Dennis to get out of the bathroom every time. He hears him stomp away. Why does he have to make so much noise all the time? No finesse, no class.

Dennis gets to work on his skin care routine. It’s gonna be at least an hour until he’s ready to leave the bathroom and face the world. 

Maybe Mac should get a poop jar too. 

* * *

When Dennis emerges Mac’s already gone. Probably off to the gym. Where else? That way he can get his pump on and use a bathroom that’s not being monopolized by Dennis. He’ll just soap up his butt and armpits with some disgusting communal soap and wash his hair with the cheap shampoo he carries around in his gym bag, and then he’ll just go. Just go out into the world, without even a glance at the mirror, in his dirty old boots, his ill fitting dickies and some stupid t-shirt he’s had since his twenties. 

Dennis does his best not to think about it, because it’s making him unbearably angry. Mac looks _good_. The thought of it makes his blood boil. Sure, Mac was never ugly, he always had a nice, twinky air about him, but Dennis just eclipsed him, he eclipsed everyone around him. There was no comparison. And then… North Dakota happened. 

The shock of seeing Mac looking like _that_ was something Dennis still isn’t over. He’d always had nice arms, now they were massive. Mac had become what he always dreamed about being, and his face! It had become all chiseled and angular. It had a timeless quality to it now, since he looked all mature and… dare he say, distinguished? But his eyes were still innocent and childlike. It’s like he was the best of both worlds, fucking Mac. So Dennis, coming back after eleven months, expecting to see an absolute wreck of a man, had no choice but to ask him if he’d gotten fatter (he was always good at thinking on his feet) because the truth was that he was in complete awe of his transformation. 

And Mac must _never_ know.

That’s why he’d planned the sexual harassment seminar. Knock him down a few pegs. Reject him in front of a room full of people. Tell him how ugly he is, to offset all the stupid twinks and twanks and twunks and bears and otters who probably drool all over him and make him think he’s better than he actually is. 

They don’t know him like Dennis does! They have no idea about the real Mac! How he was too chickenshit to come out of the closet until he was forty, how he crapped his pants and got pissed on by all his friends, how he killed and cooked a dog and worked out on a dildo bike. Dennis wished he could tattoo all that information on Mac’s forehead, so every stupid twank versatile had to read it while he was getting plowed by him. Or was Mac the one getting plowed? Who the fuck cares. 

The thing is that Mac’s not here so Dennis can save himself the trouble of having to argue about eating breakfast. One black coffee and he’s ready to go. 

* * *

“I’m telling you, the rats _want_ to fight, they’re aggressive little fuckers, it’ll give ‘em something to do!” is the first thing Dennis hears as he walks into Paddy’s. Frank’s gesturing enthusiastically and Dennis wonders how he’s so animated until he takes a look at the bar top in front of him. Oh. Coke.

“I don’t know Frank, it just seems wrong, sort of cruel” Charlie looks at him and Dee and then back to Frank, like he’s not sure of what he’s saying.

It’s too early for this shit, so Dennis, without a word, grabs the straw from Frank’s grubby little hands and snorts the fattest line on the table. 

Aahhhh. Bye bye appetite. 

“It’s completely cruel Charlie” Dee’s doing her _person who cares about social justice and animal rights because she’s so much better than the rest of the gang_ bit, “Frank you’re disgusting.”

That, Dennis can agree on. 

“AYOOO”

Just what Dennis needed: Mac strolling in like a goddamn Greek god. Muscles defined and bulging through his stupidly tight shirt, stinking up the room with body spray (so much body spray for fuck’s sake), neatly trimmed 5 o’clock shadow and hair no longer gelled to oblivion. Goddamn him. 

“Hey Mac! Do you think it’s cruel to make rats fight each other?” Charlie asks, because he’s probably the only one who still marginally values his input.

“I don’t know” he seems genuinely perplexed by the question, like it’s some interesting thought experiment instead of the idiotic ramblings of a glue addicted simpleton. Dennis wants to grab him by his stupid ungelled head and smash it on the counter. “Do the rats _want_ to fight?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying!” Frank pipes in “of course the rats wanna fight! It’s all they do! They’re vicious, conniving animals, they tear each other apart just for kicks Charlie! It’s only fair we take advantage of it, if they’re gonna be living here rent free. Have ‘em earn their living. Put on a show, get a few bets going, and the winner can get a little prize for his troubles, a hunk of cheese or whatever the stupid little fuckers like.”

“But are we gonna train the rats?” Mac chimes in.

“Now that’s just crazy man rats don’t follow orders! They’re independent freethinkers!” Charlie’s getting shriller.

“This is the dumbest idea you’ve ever had, Frank, you’ve become completely senile, and we should just dump you in a bang ‘em and bin ‘em joint and have _them_ deal with you” Dee’s specially sanctimonious today.

“EVERYBODY SHUT UP!!” 

Dennis smashes a glass against the wall, and the room goes completely silent as they all look at him expectantly. He has no idea what he’s going to say, all he wanted was to stop the inane yapping, but he _has_ to say something now doesn’t he? 

“If we’re going to host rat fights we’re going to have to be smart about it, because it’s probably illegal as hell. Frank: get your gambling buddies together, but only the ones that have any money. Charlie: start catching fighting rats. Mac and Dee: keep being useless. It’s rat wrestling extravaganza at Paddy’s baby!”

* * *

Mac follows Charlie down to the basement.

“Do you think I’m useless?”

Charlie’s already on his hands and knees, rigging up some mouse traps. 

“Look Mac I don’t have time for this right now, I’m under a lot of stress to catch all these rats.”

“Isn’t that all you do around here?”

“I _kill_ rats, I don’t catch them. It’s a whole other ballgame.”

“It’s just, Dennis keeps calling me useless and I don’t think that’s fair man! I mean, he just lumped me in with Dee, Charlie! Dee! Now that bitch’s useless.”

Charlie weighs his options. What will get Mac off his back the fastest so he can concentrate on the very serious problem of catching the rats alive and unharmed? 

Feeling needed of course. 

“Of course you’re useful Mac! Look: who does all the cleaning at your house?”

“I do”

“And the cooking?”

“I do”

“Who makes sure Dennis is safe and doesn’t get into jams?”

“I do!”

“Who dyes his hair, massages his pecs, tells him his face looks smooth and makes sure he doesn’t breathe in any polen?”

“I do _all_ that shit dude!”

“And who keeps him from having a massive fucking mental breakdown and killing us all? You do! See? You’re useful as fuck! Now let me work, I need full concentration if I’m gonna catch the best fighting rats available.”

Dee peeks in from the top of the stairs.

“Hey Mac! I need you to come outside and bring in a shipment of Coors.”

“Why can’t you do it you bitch?”

“Mac, look at my tiny, delicate figure. I could never do it so put those stupid glamour muscles to use and do your goddamn job!”

The promise of showing off his muscles in front of Dennis is motivation enough for Mac to climb the stairs and get to work. Crates upon crates of beers are piled up on the sidewalk. He grabs more than any normal person could carry at a time and waltzes into Paddy’s, confident that Dennis will see him and notice how useful he’s being. Maybe get turned on a little by his strong physique, but Dennis is deep in conversation with Frank and doesn’t even look his way. 

“So umm… I’m just gonna put all these crates away then” he announces, because he’s feeling neglected. It’s a familiar feeling. It’s been following him around his whole life, like a stray dog you just can’t seem to shake. But something started to change since that day at the mediation, the day he said those three little magic words:

“I’m out now.”

Because he started to realize that a lot of things he always took for granted weren’t necessarily a normal part of the human experience. His whole life, he’d taken for granted that happiness was something that only happened in movies, sitcoms, or in very short spurts, like after pulling off a scheme or a particularly good workout. But it wasn’t a permanent state. None of his friends were happy, that’s just the way things were. 

But suddenly, with those three little words, Mac had realized that he _could_ be happy. He wasn’t now, but it was there, it was awaiting him, just out of reach, out of reach but he could move towards it. He could see it, almost touch it, grab it.

Everything he’d taken for granted had crumbled to the ground. He didn’t have to settle for some next best thing. He didn’t have to live life from the sidelines, watching everything he _really_ wanted happen to others, as if in a movie. He could be the protagonist of that movie. 

He was free.

So he’d spent the last couple of years making up for lost time. On the one hand, he’d banged every and any willing male within the state of Pennsylvania. On the other hand, he’d started his implementation of the D.E.N.N.I.S system on Dennis. Which was hard as shit because he’d been demonstrating value since practically 1990, without ever getting to “engage physically”. Of course, there would be a small variation, Mac’s was more of a D.E.N.N.I.M system, since the last step wouldn’t be “separate entirely” but rather “marry and stay together forever.”

Yet, it seemed to him that he was stuck in a rut with him. Things had gotten a lot better between them since the mean, unmedicated Dennis that came back from North Dakota, but they had gotten better in the sense that he wasn’t actively scratching Mac’s face off. And suddenly, for the first time in his life, that wasn’t enough. 

“I SAID I'M GONNA PUT AWAY THE CRATES!”

Dennis rubs at his temples. 

“I don’t give a shit Mac.”

“What the hell’s the matter with him?” Frank asks as soon as Mac’s out of earshot. 

“I don’t know Frank, am I to know everything that goes on in that little pea brain of his?”

“Well… yeah. He’s _your_ life partner.”

Dennis looks at Frank with enough venom in his eyes to kill a pack of elephants, but Dee’s overheard and chimes in.

“He is thought, Mac’s the longest, most intense relationship you’ve ever had, and likely will ever have, since you’re not getting any younger.”

“WE’RE THE SAME AGE!”

Dee smirks. “Yeah, and I don’t have a secret husband who babies me so who’s the pathetic bitch here?”

“You don’t have _anyone,_ you… you… bird!”

“Oh no! Oh no I’m so sad that I don’t have a middle aged hamburger clown following me around like a lost puppy all the time! Whatever shall I dooooo??!”

Mac walks by to get more crates and Dennis glares at him as he snorts another line. He feels he’s never hated anyone as much as he hates Mac. Not Frank, not Tim Murphy, not even the stupid man that shushes. He’s daring him with his eyes. _Say something, anything, open your goddamn mouth and I’ll beat you to a bloody pulp._

“So um… I’m gonna get more crates…”

“NOBODY GIVES A SHIT MAC!! CAN YOU _FOR ONCE_ DO YOUR GODDAMN JOB WITHOUT BEING THE MOST ANNOYING FUCKING WASTE OF SPACE IN ALL OF PHILADELPHIA?! YOU BRAINLESS, USELESS, _TINY_ LITTLE TWINK! BEGONE FROM MY SIGHT! BEGONE!!!”

Charlie’s just emerged from the basement, and all four members of the gang look at Dennis, frozen in shock. They’re used to his outbursts, but this one’s specially sudden, unwarranted and violent, even for him, so Mac just backs away slowly and slips out the door without another word.

Charlie breaks the uncomfortable silence. 

“That was harsh man.” 

“I don’t give a shit.”

* * *

Mac takes a moment to compose himself on the sidewalk in front of Paddy’s. He should be used to it by now, but it stings to be yelled at like that in front of the gang. He knows Dennis can’t help it, he knows Dennis is battling demons that he can’t even begin to understand, he’d give Dennis the benefit of the doubt every single time, but it still hurts. And it hurts more every time.

His eyes are fixed on the horizon so he doesn’t even see her until he feels a whisper in his ear. 

“Hey handsome.”

Mac jumps about a foot into the air and almost punches her square in the face, stopping just an inch short of her nose. 

“Artemis!! Don’t creep up on people like that!”

Artemis seems completely unbothered.

“I didn’t creep up on ya, you were frozen there in the middle of the sidewalk like a deer about to get hit by a car.”

“Yeah uh… what do you want?”

“I just came to see if Frank wants to do some _dumpster diving_ if you know what I mean, but hey, you’re looking beefy as fuck. Are you sure you’re 100% gay?”

“Yeah… but hey, you think I look beefy?” Mac flexes his arms.

“Hell yeah you do! You’re a total hunk now! I’d let you toss _my_ cob salad, if you know what I mean.”

Mac considers it for a second and scrunches his nose. No, no more disgusting sex with women just to validate his ego. Now it’s disgusting sex with _men_ to validate his ego.

“Dennis just called me tiny… you don’t think I’m tiny do you?”

“Tiny?! Mac you’re a meat mountain! Why’re you still hung up on that lizard in a leather man suit anyways?”

“Who? Dennis?”

“Yeah Dennis! You could do so much better than him! And he treats you like shit too.”

“He doesn’t _always_ treat me like shit though.”

“Ok. When was the last time he did something nice for you?”

“He uhh… oh! He helped me get with this dude!”

“And how did he help you?”

“He played some songs while I spoke to him? It didn’t work cos he didn’t have any dead kids appropriate songs, but that’s hardly his fault though.”

Artemis isn’t even phased. She knows the gang well enough to expect this kind of cryptic shit, and anyways, she’s probably weirder and more depraved than all of them combined. 

“So he played a song for you. Now let’s take yesterday for example. Did you do anything for Dennis yesterday?”

“Uhhh let’s see” Mac starts counting on his fingers.

“I did a deep cleaning on the apartment like every Wednesday, then I had to go out and leave some creepy note from Den for a teen girl who works at the Wawa. I got his special Colombian coffee too, and then I went home, I massaged his calves cos he had a cramp, I had to make his special health smoothies cos we were running low, I made him lunch and then I had to toss it cos it was cross contaminated with gluten or whatever that means, and I had to make it again. Then I had to inject Botox into his brows which is very nerve wracking cos he yells at me the whole time. Then I had to do another run for some fancy Korean face cream cos he realized he ran out, and then uhh... it was time to go to work so I worked I guess, and then I drove him home cos he got hammered and carried him up the stairs, helped him get into bed and then I had to check on him all night to roll him over so he wouldn’t choke on his own vomit”

“Holly shit!”

Mac’s standing there with his mouth open.

“Dude! I spent the whole day taking care of Dennis!”

“And you’re just realizing this.”

Artemis thinks for the millionth time that Frank’s assessment of them is spot on. Dee and Dennis are evil, backstabbing bastards, while Mac and Charlie are barely functioning idiots. 

“Well at least the pussy’s fire huh?”

“What pussy?”

“That sweet Dennis pussy.”

“What?... no! we don’t have sex.”

“WHAT?! you do all that for him and you’re not even banging?!”

“No! it’s not like that, we’re just roommates.”

“Oh my god. Ok, I can’t deal with this anymore. I’m gonna go see if Frank wants to fool around with some buns. See ya!”

* * *

  
Artemis almost runs straight into Dennis when she enters the bar, who was just stepping out to yell at Mac for taking too long with the Coors.

“Hey Dennis. Your boyfriend’s pissed.”

“What?! He… he’s not my boyfriend! You old whore!”

Artemis narrows her eyes at him. 

“Oh you _love_ him, just admit it for once.”

Mac’s finally walking in, his vision obscured by the crates piled high in his arms.

“Oh yeah??! If I loved him, would I do _this_?!!”

And with a triumphant _ha!,_ Dennis sticks out his foot in front of Mac, and Mac comes tumbling down, in front of Artemis and the whole gang, sending dozens upon dozens of bottles toppling down and smashing all around them, bathing him in warm, frothy beer from head to toe. 

The gang erupt into laughter as Mac tries to get up and slips on the pools on the floor, cutting his hands with shards of broken glass. But as he manages to stand something unexpected happens. Instead of lashing out at them, he turns towards Dennis and looks straight at him, and with Dennis still doubling over in spiteful laughter, Mac turns around and wordlessly walks out the door. 

And that’s the last they see of him that day.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

That night, Dennis stumbles into his apartment, drunker than usual. He goes straight to the bathroom, where he throws up what feels like eight gallons of beer and vodka, collapses onto his bed, not even bothering to take his shoes off, and blacks out.

He has a fleeting thought that he wishes Mac would have stayed up waiting for him, but he doesn’t remember why.

* * *

“Holly shit man! Put that thing away!!”

Charlie rushes to knock the gun out of Frank’s hands as Mac frantically tries to protect his face. He’d been sound asleep in Frank and Charlie’s pull-out bed when he was rudely awoken by Charlie’s frenzied screams and a gun to his head.

“Put the gun down! it’s Mac!” Charlie yells as he manages to wrestle the gun away from Frank. 

“I know who it is!” Frank hops around trying to get his gun back but fails, since Charlie’s holding it above his head. “What’re you doin’ in my bed, ya pervert?!”

“I was just sleeping Frank!! Jeez!!”

“How’d you get in?!”

“You gave me a copy of your key Charlie! Remember? That time you thought Frank was gonna kick you out and change the locks!”

“If I was gonna change the locks how would giving you a copy of the old keys  _ do _ anything?!”

“I don’t know man! That’s what I asked him!”

“Ok ok” Charlie’s making conciliatory gestures at them “let’s all calm down. Mac: what are you doing sleeping in our bed?”

Mac sits fully up, his hair sticking out in all directions, and Charlie goes to turn on the lights. 

“I left Dennis, so I’m gonna be crashing here for a while till I find a place to live.”

“You  _ what?!  _ No no no, Charlie, come ‘ere” Frank ushers Charlie towards the corner of the room, turning their backs on the dazed and drowsy intruder.

“I don’t want this creep sleeping here Charlie” Frank’s “whisper” is just his regular speaking voice, only raspier.

Charlie turns back to Mac “look, we already tried this, remember? You hated living here! And plus, there’s no room.”

“Oh come on man! I’ll be a really good houseguest, I promise.”

“You’re not a  _ guest  _ Mac! And this isn’t even a house! It’s barely a room, you have to leave!”

“I don’ wanna be sleeping next to your pervert ass and be worryin’ about ya touchin’ me while I’m out!” Frank gesticulates wildly.

“What?! Why would I ever wanna touch _you_?!”

“Look, there’s no reason to get homophobic ok?” Charlie says, trying to calm Frank down. “We just don’t have any room for you Mac.”

“I don’t have to sleep with you guys! In fact I rather not… how about I sleep in the closet?”

“What’s all this talk that you left Dennis anyways, what’s that mean?” Frank asks, picking up a bottle from the floor, bringing it up to his mouth and quickly placing it back when he discovers its piss. 

“I’m done, it’s over. I’m not taking care of him anymore.”

“But he’s completely dependent on you!” Charlie says incredulously. And then it hits him.

Is it really happening? The day he stopped expecting decades ago? Mac’s finally fed up! Charlie feels like he’s in a parallel dimension, and he tugs at his clothes just to make sure it’s all real. Did they accidentally go through a wormhole in the sewers and come out ten years ago? When Mac invaded them because Dennis was talking about some video store clerk guy? No, that time Dennis had kicked him out. You could practically  _ see _ the heartache emanating from Mac’s body. This doesn’t feel like that. Mac really and truly sounds fed up! 

“Yeah well fuck him. He can thread his own eyebrows from now on, I’m done.” 

He  _ is  _ serious! Motherfucker he did it! 

“Whoa, Mac, that’s great!” Charlie sits on the bed to steady himself. Frank’s also looking at Mac with wide eyes. “I’m so proud of you man!” Charlie pulls him in for an unexpected hug, and Mac pats his back awkwardly. It feels so long since they last hugged.

“I know! I’m proud of me too! But I can’t pull it off if you don’t let me stay here. I can’t go to Dee’s cos then I’ll be running into Dennis the whole time, you  _ know _ he’s gonna go over there to bitch about me. Plus, she’s gross.”

“Well, you’ll be running into him anyways, at Paddy’s.” 

“Oh shit, I hadn’t thought of that.”

“You’ve worked together every day, for decades, and you hadn’t thought of that?” Frank asks, but he’s mostly just speaking to himself, since he’s pretty used to Mac’s thought processes, or lack thereof, by now. 

“Yeah well, it’s easier in a work environment, you know? Comeeee ooonnnn lemme staaaay.”

Charlie ushers Frank off to the side again.

“Dude, I think we should let him stay… just for a short while!” He ads quickly. “This is huge for him! I’ve been waiting on him to do this since like 2005 man, come on!”

“And why should  _ I  _ give a shit about what Mac does or doesn’t do with his life?”

“It’ll screw Dennis over.” Charlie raises his eyebrows.

“”How?” He’s piqued Frank’s interest. 

“You heard him! Dennis is completely dependent on him man! It’s true! He’ll be furious that he doesn’t have his slave anymore! Cobbling his shoes and uh… gathering his gluten or whatever Mac does.”

“Cobblin’ his shoes?”

“I don’t know man! But you  _ know  _ Dennis can’t make it on his own! He’ll be completely lost without him! Don’t you wanna get back at him for all the times he’s called you a greedy little weevil? A pit of despair? He’s like, the worst son ever, man! Remember all the times he tried to screw you out of your money? Remember how he was watching you choke to death?! Remember Frankito?!! Don’t you wanna teach him a lesson?”

“Yeah… yeah you’re right! It  _ would _ teach him a lesson! But do I really gotta live with Mac? I don’t feel safe around him Charlie, I feel like he wants to bang me!”

“I CAN HEAR YOU” Mac shouts from the bed. He’s not  _ trying  _ to eavesdrop, but they’re standing five feet away from him with their backs turned, like them not seeing him is going to magically keep him from hearing their conversation.

“Look Frank:  _ no one _ wants to bang you, but for your peace of mind, I’ll take the middle of the bed, and tomorrow we can make him a bed in the closet or something, ok?”

“Ok. But I ain’t doin’ it for him,  _ or you.  _ I’m doin’ it to fuck Dennis over.”

“That’s great man! You won’t regret it, I promise!”

They both turn around to face Mac.

“Ok Mac” Charlie starts “we’ve made our decision.”

“Yeah, I know, I’ve been sitting here the whole time, I heard everything.”

“See?!” Frank wags his finger at Charlie “he’s already puttin’ on airs!”

“Putting on airs that my ears work?” 

“EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP!! YOU’RE BOTH GONNA GO TO SLEEP AND NO ONE’S GONNA BANG NO ONE AND NO ONE’S GONNA PUT ON AIRS!! NOW FUCK OFF!!”

And with that, Charlie dives into bed next to Mac, shutting his eyes and clenching the covers with both fists tightly up to his chin, so Frank and Mac have no choice but to shut the fuck up and go to sleep. 

* * *

Dennis wakes up the next day with the sun shining into his eyes through the open curtains, his jeans digging into his hip bones, and a pounding headache. What else is new?

“Mac! Mac! I need some Tylenol!! MAC!”

Goddamnit. He looks at the alarm clock. Mac’s not usually asleep at this hour, and he knows he’s not at the gym. Why? Because Dennis knows every little detail of Mac’s daily routine, and according to the time and day, Mac should be milling around in bed right now, watching YouTube videos of motorcycle stunts, bodybuilders and funny dogs on his phone, and getting ready to start burning shit in the kitchen, or “making breakfast”, as he calls it. 

Goddamnit he’s probably got the funny dogs on too loud. Dennis gets up and lumbers off to the bathroom -which is just five steps away from his bed, but still, it’s the principle of the thing- to get his own damn Tylenol. 

He remembers the Chicago Tylenol murders as he pours a couple of pills from the jar into the palm of his hand. Some maniac had gone around Chicago drugstores, contaminating random bottles of Tylenol with cyanide, killing seven people before stopping, without ever getting caught. Dennis stares at his reflection in the bathroom mirror without seeing. He was six years old when the murders were going on, and he can never pick up a bottle of Tylenol without a vivid memory running through his head: playing with his toy train in front of the tv, his mother sitting on the couch behind him, gin-tonic in one hand and Virginia Slim in the other, remarking, as the news blared on,

“I hope he gets lots more before they catch him”.

Just thrown it out there, like it was the most natural thing in the world. A twelve year old girl was dead. Dennis saw her picture on the news. She had a pretty face with short hair and a crooked toothed smile. Dennis remembers thinking she looked nice, seeing her picture on the tv. She looked nice and friendly and sweet. But she was dead, and nobody knew why, and his mama said

“I hope he gets lots more before they catch him”.

And Dennis had spent the rest of his life trying to understand what would drive her to say something like that. He thinks that now, thirty-eight years later, he’s finally ready to ask. 

“Hey Barbara! Yeah, you! Down in the pits of some hell I don’t even believe in: why’d you say something like that? Is it true? Did you really hope that more little girls died? You  _ know  _ you would’ve never said it in front of your country club friends, so why in front of me? Did you think I could empathize? That I’d understand? Did you think I was the same as you? Is this casual, offhanded type of evil hereditary? And if so, did Brian Jr catch it too? Is he torturing animals out in his backyard right now? Should I have gotten the snip, like a fucking dog, and let this godforsaken lineage die with me?”

Too late now. Whatever.

He better go and find Mac, the silence is getting too loud.

* * *

“Those are  _ crazy _ numbers son! Where am I gonna get that many rats on such short notice? I ain’t no rat whisperer or some shit”

Mac wishes he was lying in a real bed, watching funny dog compilations on his phone and getting ready to cook some breakfast. Instead, he’s pretending to sleep, with Charlie’s snoring head drooling on his shoulder, while Frank has the most preposterous conversation with whom Mac surmises to be Z. Why is he pretending to sleep? Because it seems to him that Frank is betraying Charlie by trying to outsource the rat catching, and he doesn’t want them to know that he knows, because he doesn’t want to get caught up in their drama. His own drama is enough for him. 

As much as he misses his bed and his bodybuilding dogs, he’s not feeling an ounce of regret. Walking home yesterday, drenched in beer, he’d felt nothing but white hot rage. But the closer he got to his apartment, the more his anger had started to turn into clarity. This was it. No more. This was the straw that broke the camel’s back.

He was moving out.

Packing all his crosses, his bible, his many rosaries and religious figurines, the framed pictures of his family, and taking one last look at his apartment before leaving his keys on the mantle and walking away for good, is the most liberating thing he’s done since he danced at the prison. He had to leave the Ass-Pounder 4000 behind, but he’ll be back for it once he finds a definitive place to stay. Apart from that, the sum of Mac’s earthly belongings is resting in a gym bag on the floor beside the gruesome twosome’s bed, but Mac doesn’t feel bad about it, he feels unencumbered, free to start anew. 

He’s not even thinking about Dennis, he’s done thinking about Dennis. He’s been done before, but it lasts for as long as the next time he smiles his way, or puts his arm around his shoulder. Well, he hasn’t smiled his way yet, but Mac can  _ tell _ this time is different. It  _ feels  _ different. It’s not like he hates him, it’s not like he wants him to apologize. This is brand new. Something broke along with all those bottles on the bar floor. By now he blames Dennis as much as you can blame a storm cloud for raining, or a fire for burning shit up. It’s just his nature. He’s been demonstrating it to Mac for almost thirty years, and he’s just now catching on. He’d feel stupid if he didn’t feel so goddamn good.

Mac’s great at deluding himself, he’s a world class champion, but there’s always a tiny part of him that knows he’s doing it. He just drowns it out. 

Not this time.

This time it feels  _ real _ .

What’s he gonna do? What does the future hold for him? For the first time in decades Mac has no idea, but instead of frightening him, the thought is exhilarating. He feels like a kid waking up on Christmas morning, with the expectation of all the fresh houses, with their unopened presents, waiting just for him. Will the future bring a robot? Is it a Cabbage Patch doll? 

Charlie’s arm flails in his sleep and he elbows Mac square on the nose.

“SON OF A BITCH!”

But Charlie just snorts and turns over. Goddamnit. His cover’s blown. He has no choice but to open his eyes now, and he sees Frank and Z sitting at a small table next to the door, sharing a bottle that to Mac is indistinguishable from last night’s piss bottle.

“Heeey” Z looks his way and smiles “how’d it go with your dog the other day? She have her puppies ok?”

Mac sits up on the bed. “Uh… turns out that wasn’t my dog”

“Cool, cool. So you livin’ here now?”

Z’s staring intensely at him. Well, Z always stares intensely, it’s kind of his thing, but Mac’s never felt so conscious of it before. It’s like he’s burrowing right into his soul with those beautiful brown eyes. Beautiful? Goddamnit Mac get a grip. Z looks at everyone like that, just go rub one out in the bathroom or something. Oh. Right. There is no bathroom, just the one down the hall that doesn’t even have a door. Goddamnit.

“He ain’t livin’ here! I’m just lettin’ him stay awhile to screw Dennis over. Now, let’s get back to business.”

Z takes a few seconds to avert his gaze from Mac and back to Frank. 

“I was told you work with all kindsa animals, now you gonna tell me you can’t handle a few lousy rats?”

“Does Charlie know about this?” Mac asks, forgetting to stay out of the drama. He’s already in it anyways.

“No, and what he don’t know can’t hurt ‘im.”

“How are you so sure he won’t wake up and hear you though?”

“Mac, I’ve been living with Charlie for ages. He’s got at least another half hour of deep sleep in ‘im, you see how he’s flailin’ around and runnin’ in place? That’s the part of the dream where the spiders grow hands.”

“That sounds awful!”

“Yeah well, his head’s  _ full _ of awful, now go to the gym or somethin’, scram, lemme conduct my business in peace.”

“Uh… ok”. Mac doesn’t want to piss Frank off, because he has no other temporary housing prospect, so he gets up and puts on his pants and boots, carefully keeping his back turned to them so they don’t see his morning wood, that may or may not be inspired by Z’s silky voice and steady gaze. He grabs his gym bag, dumps the sum of his earthly belongings on the bed next to Charlie, and goes, all under Z’s unblinking eye. His last words out the door are a plea directed at Frank.

“Look, I know you don’t like crucifixes or saints or any of that stuff, but please don’t throw away my shit while I’m out, ok? I’ll put it away when I get back.”

Mac misses showering in a non gym setting. 

* * *

Dennis peeks into Mac’s room. It’s not like he misses him, it’s just that it’s an even day and that means he gets to eat breakfast, so he needs someone to make it. 

But Mac’s not there.

Huh.

A one night stand? Mac usually makes it home after his hookups, to spend the morning stewing in a strange mix of afterglow and shame. Guess he didn’t make it back this time. Huh. Dennis has a contingency plan for this type of scenario. The moment that Mac starts to get comfortable with another man, comfortable enough to spend the night, is the moment Dennis sets the M.A.C system in motion. Not Mac’s disgusting Move in After Completion M.A.C system. His own, superior M.A.C system, which is 

**M** : Make him feel guilty, 

**A** : Act helpless and dependent, and 

**C** : Completely destroy any chance for a meaningful relationship. 

He’s already used it a couple of times. It goes like this:

Mac gets home from a date. Not a Grindr restroom hookup (Dennis doesn’t care about those), but a date. With dinner, conversation, maybe a movie, and, because Mac can’t help being a slut, sex. 

It’s time to implement M: Make Mac feel guilty. This one’s easy, Mac’s whole upbringing has already taken care of it. Dennis just needs to nudge it to the surface. 

“I wonder how Luther’s doing in prison, you think he still wants a grandson? Well, anyways, it’s not like  _ you’re _ gonna get a woman pregnant, and you  _ know  _ he wants a biological grandkid, that’s for sure. Guess he’ll never get one, but what’s one more disappointment huh? Hey, I was reading about that new Pope! How about him huh? He’s pretty easy on the gays, sort of goes against everything the catholic church stands for, doesn’t it? So you think there’s a chance he might be the Antichrist? It  _ is  _ possible you know, everybody knows God’s not big on the gays, oh no, big time sinners. So anyways, you come out to your mom yet? Gotta be careful, wouldn’t want her to have a heart attack!”

  
  


We quickly then move on to A: Act helpless and dependent. This one’s trickier, but Dennis pulls it off every time. He likes to think it’s because he’s such a good actor. The truth is, it’s not that removed from how he normally acts.

He’ll hear Mac humming to himself in the bathroom. He’s somehow overcome the guilt, he’s got his stupid grey polo on, and towards Dennis wafts the stench of two (or more!) colognes. Date night, oh shit. “Mac! Mac!! I… I can’t breathe!! Hjhhh jhhhh oh my god! What could have caused this?! Wait. Were those peppers in the salad? Oh my god! Yeah! I told you I’ve become allergic to peppers! No, don’t worry, it’s not your fault you didn’t remember… you’ve got so much on your mind right now, what with the dating and having fun and all. Cough cough. Yes, please, set me down over here. No, I don’t think I have the strength to unbutton my collar, can you do it? Noo! Don’t call and cancel, man! I… I promise I’ll text you if I start to lose consciousness, I mean, if I make it in time. But I’m sure I’ll be ok, you just go, have fun, forget about the peppers you put in what I thought was a perfectly safe salad. cough cough, hjhjjj, just go.”

Mac would promptly cancel, but the date would persist, only because Mac was probably the hottest guy he’d seen up close. No one had been stupid enough to make it past the third “I’m going to have to cancel, my roommate needs me” phone call though. 

C came naturally after that. Completely destroy the relationship and move forward. When he found Mac sulking, now that his newest crush had been driven away by the perfect cocktail of self-loathing and emotional unavailability facilitated by Dennis, he’d rent Predator, order a pizza for him,”you can probably spare the carbs buddy”, and spend the whole evening discussing Carl Weathers’ physique, sitting just a little bit closer than usual.

Dennis is calculating how he’s going to casually bring up hellfire this time when he gets the creeping feeling that something’s off. The room feels much less sinister and oppressive. Why is that? 

Wait. 

Where are the gory Jesuses? Where are the framed Luthers following him around the room with their bulging eyes? He doesn’t understand. What’s going on? 

That’s when his stomach sinks. 

It’s finally happened.

* * *

_ Pick up pick up pick up pick up pick up bitch pick up pick up pick up pick up YOU BITCH!! YOU DISGUSTING OLD WHORE!! I HATE YOU!!!! I’M GOING TO MURDER YOU!!! _

_ PICK UP YOUR FUCKING PHONE!!!!!! _

Dennis yells as he speeds through the Philadelphia traffic, running red lights and swerving on corners, driving with one hand as he holds the cell phone to his ear with the other. He already went by her apartment and even managed to kick the door in with his manic energy. She’s already at Paddy’s GODDAMN HER. GODDAMN THE STUPID BITCH THAT CAN’T PICK UP HER GODDAMN PHONE!!!

He parks on the sidewalk and slams the bar door open, scanning the room immediately. Dee looks up from behind the bar. Good, it’s just her and some drunk in the corner. 

“BACK OFFICE! NOW!!!!”

He yells as he stomps his way to the back. He’s already pacing the room when she gets there.

“CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!”

“Ok, ok. What’s gotten into you?!”

“Mac’s gone!!! He left!!!!”

“He  _ what _ ?!”

“He left Dee!!!! He wasn’t at the apartment this morning!! And all his shit is gone!! His protein powder and his stupid pictures, all his clothes!! Every goddamn crucifix’s gone Dee!! He’s gone!!!”

“Ok ok calm down” Dee makes a move to put her hands on his shoulders.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!!” 

She quickly jumps back.

“I always knew this day would come, I knew it! I’ve been expecting it for thirty years!!! THAT BASTARD!!! How could he ever leave?! How could he ever leave me Dee?!”

Dennis is becoming undone, sobs wracking his body. 

“Oh my god!” Dee’s face is a mixture of disgust and incredulity. “I’m gonna get you out of here alright? Come here, come with me”

She takes Dennis’ hand, which is now tightly balled into a fist in front of his face, and leads him out of the bar, turning towards the idling drunk as they walk out the door:

“I’m gonna leave you locked in here so you don’t steal anything. The dirty one, the gay one or the goblin man’ll come by shortly and they’ll let you out ok?”

And without waiting for an answer, she shuts the door and ushers Dennis into the Range Rover’s passenger seat. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dennis needs to suffer. That is all.


	3. Chapter 3

Dennis is curled up into a tight little ball on Dee’s couch. She’s covered him with a blanket, and gets him to accept (“you didn’t put any sugar in it did you?”) the steaming cup of tea she made after slipping 30 dollars out of his coat to fix the door. Goddamn Dennis living the millionaire lifestyle, just walking around with 30 dollars in his pockets. 

She barely berated him for kicking it in though, she’s being a good sister. 

“Are you feeling more calm now? Can we talk?”

Dennis looks up at her and his eyes start to well up again. 

“Dennis it’s not like this hasn’t happened before” she goes to sit next to him on the couch. “Remember when you were sitting right here, trying to get me to peel your apples?”

“Yeah but _I_ kicked him out that time, cos he was pissing me off! He didn’t _leave_ me!! Same with my marriage, or North Dakota!!! Mac doesn’t leave!!! _I Leave!!!”_

“Oooh, how about when you bought the bar?”

“How about it?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Remember what?”

“Goddamnit Dennis! Really?”

**9:45 pm**

**On a Friday**

**In 1998**

**Philadelphia, PA**

“What do you mean you’re moving to New Mexico?! That’s all the way across the country!”

“Yeah, I know. But my dad says he’s got everything set up for me there, all I gotta do is show up.”

“When you say he’s got everything set up, you’re talking about drug dealing right?”

Dennis is visiting from college. He’s been visiting more and more often lately, since he doesn’t have anything much else to do. He stopped showing up to class months ago, but he hasn’t told anyone. Not even Mac. Why hasn’t Dennis been going to class? 

  1. because they were getting too hard, and he feels like his intelligence and self-worth are called into question every time he doesn’t grasp something right away.
  2. Because his drinking has gotten out of control, because of _reasons_ (see point 1), so he’s usually too drunk or hungover to go, and 
  3. Because his anorexia is flaring up, and drinking all his calories (see point 2) has him in a perpetual mental fog, too lethargic and unmotivated to do anything but sit in his room and drink.



None of these things paint him in a very good light, so his friends have no idea. They only know he’s killing it, well on his way to becoming a respected veterinarian. So different from them and the working class toil that is their life. 

Charlie’s living in a dirty walk-up in some section 8 housing, doing odd janitorial jobs and getting fired on the regular. Mac’s still living with his parents, doing odd security jobs and getting fired on the regular. Dee’s in a mental institution. 

Things for the gang are going just swell.

“I mean, I’m not _not_ talking about drug dealing.”

Dennis narrows his eyes at him. They’re sitting at a grimy booth in a seedy, dirty bar out in the industrial part of town, and they’ve been drinking there since five. He guesses Mac was working up the courage to tell him all this time. 

Tell him what? That he’s leaving them all? Leaving his hometown, the only place he’s ever lived, leaving his family, his friends. Leaving Dennis. 

Why would Luther need Mac to go all the way to New Mexico to deal drugs? 

“Are we talking about a drug mule situation?”

Mac looks like he’s been caught coming out of the bathroom with a sticky men’s underwear catalogue. Dennis knows this because he’s caught him coming out of the bathroom with a sticky men’s underwear catalogue before. 

“I’m not _not_ talking about a drug mule situation”

“Oh for fuck’s sake Mac! Answer the question! Is _that_ why you’re going to New Mexico?! So you can put heroin up your ass?”

“It’s not _just_ that! My dad says I’ll have lots of career opportunities there, that I’m just wasting my talents here.”

“Your talent for putting shit up your ass.” 

Mac goes bright red. It’s like Dennis isn't getting this. At all. 

“Dude it’s easy for you, you’ve got your whole future lined up” Dennis scoffs but says nothing. “I got nothing! It’s either dealing meth right here or going to New Mexico, where my dad says his buddies are gonna help me out, help me climb up the ladder dude, advance!”

“So you can get lots of shitty tattoos, develop a coke habit and get shot by the federales by the time you’re thirty.”

“Well… well it’s my life Den! What else you got huh? You got a better idea? Cos here all I have is huffing glue with Charlie and throwing rocks at trains.”

He’s right. Dennis knows he’s right. Both their lives are careening out of control. He knows Mac’s going to New Mexico to slowly kill himself, _slowly_ being the best case scenario, and Mac knows it too. But what’s he gonna do? Is he gonna fix Mac’s life? What a joke, he can’t even fix his own. 

“EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY BAR!!”

Mac and Dennis look towards the bar counter, from where the yelling is coming from. The bartender is holding his hand up to his bleeding nose and at his feet, what looks to be a very dirty old man lays unconscious. Then they notice the knife sticking out of the bartender's arm, who yanks it out with a blood-curdling holler.

“DID I FUCKING STUTTER?! ALL YOU SHITSTAINS, GET OUT!! I’m gonna sell this goddamn place Jenny” he says to the unimpressed waitress standing off to the side “this time I mean it, I’m done. I’m selling this shithole to the first sucker stupid enough to buy it.” He then turns back to the clientele, which consists mostly of people who look like they could break your nose and stab you in the arm for no discernible reason. “GET OOUTTTTT!!!!”

Mac stands up to leave, grabbing his beer and for some reason pocketing the ashtray from the table, though he doesn’t even smoke. Dennis stands too, but his eyes are sparkling. 

He has an idea.

“I couldn’t help overhearing…” he walks up to the bartender, making that smarmy voice he thinks sounds businesslike.

“What part of get out didn’t you understand pretty boy?”

“I want to buy your bar.”

Mac’s jaw drops, and Dennis feels like a million dollars.

Mac’s still staring at him incredulously as they walk down the dirty streets surrounding the bar, and Dennis is still grinning like a madman.

“What the hell was that all about?!”

“I’m gonna buy the bar, you heard me.”

“With what money bro?!”

“Didn’t you hear how much he’s asking for, man? That shit’s pocket change! I’ve gotten more money out of Barbara for weekend benders.”

“You think she’ll just give you all that money?”

“Well, not all of it, come on we’re going to Charlie’s.”

Mac stops walking. “Dennis you’re gonna have to explain this more better cos I feel like you’re having a stroke or something.”

“Because Mac, Charlie’s gonna put up a third! You heard him talking about Bonnie’s life savings the other day! You think she won’t give them to him? To her dear precious Charlie? It’s a sure thing! He can own a third of the bar and work as the janitor. No one’s gonna fire him, cos he’ll be his own boss! It all works out!”

“Why a third?”

“Simple Mac. Cos I’ll own the other third and… you’ll own the other.”

Mac looks at him like he’s gone insane. Has he gone insane? Dennis doesn’t even consider it. It’s the sanest idea he’s _ever_ had as far as he’s concerned.

“Dude. I have maybe twenty bucks to my name, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“Mac you saw what happened in there! It wouldn’t have happened if they had security! A bouncer, a sheriff if you will.”

“So?”

“So? You’ll be the bouncer! And we’ll pay you like shit so that in a couple of years your third will be paid off! And you’ll own the bar with us!”

“What the fuck do _you_ know about running a bar?!”

“Oh come on, how hard can it be? I’ll be the bartender, bartenders get loads of chicks. Plus, I was thinking of taking a break from college. It’ll do me good, go live in the real world for a while! I can always go back.”

“Dude this is insane!”

“Why’s it insane?”

“Well, let’s say I _wanted_ to own a bar with you and Charlie, where would I live? My dad’s _not_ gonna be happy I stayed in Philly. He’s not gonna let me live in his house anymore, he’s made that super clear. So am I supposed to live in the bar or something?”

“No. Of course not Mac. You’ll live with me! Now come on, hurry up, I’ve got it all figured out.”

* * *

  
  


Present day Dennis looks at Dee like she’s sprouted an arm from her forehead. 

“You think I bought the bar to keep Mac from leaving?”

“You don’t?”

“Of… of course not! Why would I care if Mac went to New Mexico?!”

“Why do you care now?”

Dennis’ eyes well up again and Dee’s almost sorry she reminded him.

“I… I don’t care. It’s just that he can’t leave me Dee! Why would he leave?! It doesn’t make any sense!”

“It makes perfect sense Dennis.”

“HOW?! HOW THE FUCK DOES IT MAKE SENSE DEE?! WOULD YOU LEAVE _THIS?!!”_

And with that he makes a sweeping gesture at himself, spilling half of his tea on his blanket.

“Oh gross. What the hell does _this_ have to do with anything Dennis? Unless. wait… are you two secretly banging?”

“No! Of course not!”

“Are you sureee?”

“YES I’M SURE! I mean, it’s not like I’ve never thought about it…”

“Oh! So you _have_ thought about it.”

“I mean yes! I’ve thought about banging all of you!! It’s not a _fun_ activity that I engage in willingly! it’s called intrusive thoughts, _Dee_.”

“Oh Dennis that’s disgusting.”

“Oh like you’ve never thought about it.”

“Noooo.”

Dennis looks straight at Dee, unblinking.

“Well yes, maybe once, but I didn’t like it either, mostly” she says with her head down.

“The fact that you’re saying _mostly_ because of Charlie is something I don’t ever want to have to think about again.”

“Ok. So you and Mac are _not_ banging then.”

“Why… why would we be banging? I, I’ve been friends with him for ages why would we be banging just now?”

“Oh but you _were_ banging!” Dee points an excited finger at him. 

“No! Goddamnit Dee! There was no banging, there is no banging and there will _be_ no banging, so get your head out of the gutter and try being a mature adult about this.”

“Oh my god I’m gonna set you on fire! Ok. So you never banged, you’re just two friends living the sad and lonely bachelor lifestyle together.”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it like that but yes Dee, We’re friends. We’re not in a relationship. We’ve never banged, not from Mac’s lack of trying though.”

“Ok! So, isn’t it only natural that Mac would want to move on now that he’s out? Find someone, settle down? Did you really think you’d be living together forever?”

“But I’m the one who was supposed to move on! Not him!! HE CAN’T DO THIS DEE!! NOBODY LEAVES THE GOLDEN GOD!!!”

“Dennis… are you… by any chance… ehem… taking your medication?” 

“I DON’T NEED MEDICATION, WHY WOULD I NEED MEDICATION?! I’M A PERFECTLY RATIONAL MAN!!! I’M IN COMPLETE CONTROL OF MY MIND AND BODY!!!”

“Oh god.”

Dennis is completely unhinged. Dee hasn’t seen him like this since… well, since yesterday when he was yelling at Mac. It’s not the yelling though, it’s the crying that unnerves her. It feels like when they were teens. Dennis is a mess. He’s always been a mess, it never got better. He just covered it up. With Mac. 

“Look. You want him back? I’ll help you get him back.”

_Why, Dee??? Did you just volunteer to take care of Dennis?! Are you insane?!!! Goddamnit! You’re getting soft!_

_But wait! This is an opportunity! Dennis is gonna finally realize how good I am at scheming! And it’s the perfect scheme too, because Mac is, of course, just a Dennis wink and smile away from running back to him, but by the way Dennis is taking it, he doesn’t know that. The credit will all go to me when Mac inevitably comes back!_

The only hitch she can see in her plan is Mac coming back too soon, before she can get any scheming in. Better start quick.

“Really? You’ll help me?”

Dennis is looking at her with puppy-dog eyes. Does he make those eyes at Mac when he wants something from him? She doesn’t even want to think about it.

“Yeah, you’ll get your boy toy back, I promise.”

“And then, when he comes crawling back, I’ll lul him back into security, so when he’s settled in again, when he’s really comfortable, and he feels safe, when he least expects it, THAT’S WHEN _I’LL_ KICK HIM OUT!!! AHA!!!!! WHO’S THE PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT _NOW_ MAC?!!!!”

Oh god. What has she done?

“You gotta start back on the meds, Dennis. Like, yesterday.”

“Orrr” Dennis looks at her maniacally. He’s got his spark back. “how about we get some crack?”

“Goddamnit Dennis! Fuck you for making me be the responsible one! No crack! Not until we finish the first phase of the plan I’m cooking up.”

“And then we’ll get celebration crack, right?”

“Yeah ok, we can get some celebration crack. Now, let’s get to work bitch!”

* * *

Mac goes back to Frank and Charlie’s after the gym. He could have just gone straight to Paddy’s, but he’s got two reasons to come back first. One, is he wants to make sure Frank hasn’t thrown his stuff out, and two, he’s very nervous about seeing Dennis. He must know he’s gone by now, and Mac’s gonna have to justify his actions to him, which he’s not looking forward to doing, at all. 

Dennis always wins at words with him, and though Mac still doesn’t regret a thing, he’s not sure how he’s going to convince Dennis that his decision is for the best. Dennis is so good at getting him flustered, even after all these years. He can make him do the exact opposite of what he wanted to do and Mac doesn’t even realize it until weeks (months, years, decades) later. He needs more time to hype himself up.

He’s _not_ going back. 

He hears smashing sounds coming from inside as he gets to the door. Damn it, he thought Frank and Charlie would be at work by now. Whatever, with any luck, it’s Charlie in there, and he can give him a pep talk. He seemed very excited that he’d left Dennis last night. Was it really that obvious to everybody? The way Dennis treated him? Why didn’t anybody say something? He’s gonna have to have a long talk with his friends, but it’s not Charlie, nor Frank, who he finds with a crowbar trying to pry open one of the mysterious doors inside the apartment.

It’s Z.

“Z! What’s um… what’s going on?”

Z turns slowly around from his struggle with the door, and Mac can feel his eyes burrowing into him again. He makes a conscious effort to sustain his gaze, but while Z’s is self-assured, Mac’s eyes radiate a mixture of fear, submission and… hope? Hope for what?

“Heeeyyy. Frank let me come back and look for rats. I figured why go looking somewhere else when they probably be sittin’ on the biggest rat nest in all of Philadelphia.”

“Oh, well that’s true. So how many rats have you caught?”

“Zero. I’m guessing the cats got ‘em already. That’s why I’m tryna open this door. They gotta have a nest in here, that smell can’t be coming from nowhere.”

“Oh, you think cats live here because of the cans of cat food? It’s not for cats. Frank and Charlie eat it.”

“That’s fucked up.”

“Yeah, I know.” Mac lets out a nervous exhale that doubles as a chuckle. Why’s he so nervous around Z? He’s known him forever…

“Hey. How about you help me out?”

“Oh, I don’t know anything about rats.”

Z walks up to him slowly. Now they’re standing maybe a foot apart, and Mac can feel the heat radiating from his body.

“Bet you know somethin’ about anacondas though.” Z utters, looking Mac up and down like he was a popsicle on the hottest day of summer.

Mac’s eyes widen to twice their size, and he feels the blood rush from his brain straight to his dick.

“I… I didn’t know you uh… I thought…”

“Oh, so you just asume that everyone’s a hetherosexual unless explicitly stated otherwise? That’s just straight homophobic son!”

“No! I don’t assume that! I’m not homophobic! It’s just…”

“Oh it’s because I’m black. You didn’t think I could be into dudes cos I’m already a minority huh? Now _that’s_ straight up racist!”

“No!!! I’m not racist! Well, I read that all white people are subconsciously racist to some extent, but I’m working on being a better man! I was _very_ uncomfortable in the costume Dee put me in for Dee day.”

Z looks like he’s stopped listening, and he maintains eye contact as he takes another step towards Mac. 

That’s when Mac’s lizard brain kicks in. When it comes to sex, Mac has zero self control. Even when he was “straight”, all a woman had to do was glance his way for him to be all over her, and he’s got the venereal diseases to prove it. Z looks much better to him than all of those women anyways (well, maybe except for Carmen, and Dennis’ mom. He’s got a soft spot for them), so he throws himself forward to kiss him, no buildup, no finesse, shoving his tongue down his throat like he wants to reach his tonsils. Z responds in kind, and soon he’s got Mac pinned against the wall, crowding him as they kiss and tug at each other’s clothes. Mac grinds up to him and he can feel his cock against his. They’re both rock hard. 

Maybe it’s the way Mac’s whimpering. Maybe it’s the way he lets him take control, but Z’s got him all figured out in a second.

“You like it rough, don’t you pony boy?” He asks as he grabs a handful of Mac’s hair and pulls his head back, exposing his throat.

“Yes please” Comes out of Mac’s mouth like a reflex. A breathy little squeak, full of hope and longing.

Z turns him around roughly, so his front is pinned against the wall, and half whispers in his ear “how about I make you scream then?” Mac’s breathing heavily, and he can’t help the moans coming from somewhere deep inside, as he pushes his ass out, grinding up against Z’s erection.

“Answer me baby. Im’a need explicit consent.” 

Wow. Z’s much more considerate than most of Mac’s hook ups. They usually take his moans for a yes, or his silence for a yes, or anything that isn’t “get off me dude or I’ll beat you to death” for a yes. He’s not used to it, but he’ll take it.

“Oh god Yes! Please! Fuck me into the fucking wall!”

“Hell yeah”

Neither of them have any use for condoms. It’s not a wise choice, especially considering where both of them have been, but they aren’t men who make wise choices. They _could_ take the apartment apart looking for lube, but Mac has an inkling that if Frank and Charlie ever have a need for it they use cooking grease, or car oil, or something equally unsanitary. He himself doesn’t have any, he always just stole Dennis’, so he pants against the wall: “just use spit man, I can take it”, and he hears Z spit into his hand. 

Mac needs this. He always needs this. He thinks people don’t know, but he’s always ready to go. One look, one word is all it takes. He’d say he could count the times he’s rejected sex on the fingers of one hand, but he can’t remember any instance. Maybe the tiny little Asian boy, but tiny little boys shouldn’t even count.

“Oh god Z” he whines, as he fingers him open “just fuck me already, please.” 

“So fucking eager, I like that.” Z brings his upturned palm up to Mac’s face. “Spit baby”, and then he’s slicking up his cock, which he slides into Mac, both of them groaning in tandem. 

“Shiiit. Goddamn, you feel good!” And with that, Z starts pounding Mac into the wall. Mac just whines and whimpers. He’s never been good with words, he’s all feeling. He loves it when guys talk dirty to him, but he himself is usually silent, except for the sounds he can’t stop from escaping his lips. It’s a throwback to all the years banging women, when he had nothing to say to them and didn’t want to hear from them either, with their high pitched voices that completely killed the mood. 

Z’s different though, and as he reaches around to touch him, his voice is deep and suave like silk in Mac’s ear: “I wanna fill you up. You gon’ let me fill you up lil’ puppy boy? You gon’ take my cum up your ass?” Mac remembers what he said about consent, so he whispers “do it”, and suddenly they’re both cumming, Z into Mac, and Mac right into Z’s hand.

Z collapses against him, and when he straightens up, Mac turns around shakily to see him slowly licking his jizz off his fingers, like it’s the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted, never breaking eye contact. When he’s done, he goes in for another deep, open mouthed kiss, and Mac feels the taste of his own cum, as they swap it around, rutting lazily against each other.

It’s the best time he’s _ever_ had at Charlie’s.

* * *

Mac feels like a million bucks by the time he gets to Paddy’s. He’s slightly limping and riding out the high that only great, dirty, and completely unexpected sex can give. He bursts through the door, and the first thing he sees, standing behind the bar, is Dennis.

In his best blue shirt, hair coiffed, perfect makeup, million dollar smile.

“Hey Mac! How’s it going buddy?” The white of his teeth is blinding.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People always make Mac hook up with Rex... WILDCARD BITCHES!!
> 
> (But seriously, I might have him hook up with Rex later.)


	4. Chapter 4

“Dennis! Hi.”

Mac’s eyes dart around the room. Dee is sitting on a stool drinking a beer. Besides the Reynolds twins, there’s only a couple of drowsy drunks at the far end of the bar. Frank and Charlie are nowhere to be seen.

“You… you haven’t talked to Frank or Charlie yet?”

“Naw man, they stopped by and then went straight to the sewers.”

“Goddamnit this stupid rat fight club is gonna get in the way of Charlie work.” Dee bitches.

“Oh no, I think it’s just regular sewer business.” Dennis quips goodnaturedly. 

“Dennis I need to talk… can we go to the back office?” Mac’s walked the whole way here practicing a speech in his head, and he knows he’ll completely forget it in 3.5 minutes if he gets distracted by anything that’s not going over it on a loop. Besides, Dennis _has_ to know he left the apartment by now, their morning routines are a beautifully choreographed codependency ballet. That’s why the way he’s acting makes no sense. Why is he so mellow?

“Sure buddy! Let’s go.”

Mac lets him walk in ahead, not wanting to turn his back on him for a second, and carefully shuts the door behind him, scanning the room. No knives, barely anything Dennis could bludgeon him with. Still, he stays near the door, all senses on edge, but Dennis still seems completely relaxed. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come home last night, I stopped by to change before coming in but you were already gone.”

Ohhh, so that’s what it is. He doesn’t know yet. Mac’s fight or flight response kicks in, but he stays his ground. You can do it Mac, you’ve got loads of mass on him. He can’t kill you unless you let him.

“I wanted to apologize for yesterday, that was completely uncalled for, and I’m sorry.”

HOLLY SHIT!!! 

Did Dennis just apologize?! Are the gang trying to prank him?! Mac scans the room for hidden cameras. 

Dennis just goes on, seemingly oblivious to Mac’s facial expressions, which are going from shock to confusion to worry. Is Dennis having a stroke?! Is he _dying?!!_

“Anyways, I’m glad you forgive me. I wanted to go straight home and talk but… the most amazing thing happened last night” Dennis sits on the edge of the desk. He looks eager to tell him something, and he even giggles! Like a schoolgirl at a slumber party. 

“You remember Jackie Denardo? The newscaster?”

“Yeah” Mac’s voice comes out small and raspy.

“Well she came in yesterday after you left! She was doing a story on Irish bars. I didn’t wanna speak to her, because I was so bummed about how I’d treated you, but the only other person left was Dee, and you know I can’t let her speak to the public, so I had to take her around, show her the bar… and we got to talking…” Dennis’ eyes light up.

“It turns out we have a lot in common! And well, one thing led to another, and she invited me over to her house. Mac, it was the most amazing sex I’ve _ever_ had, and you know I’ve slept with hundreds of beautiful women.”

“Oh wow.” Mac’s staring at him in awe. This was _not_ what he expected. This is miles away from how he expected this conversation to go. 

“And we’re gonna see each other again today! I know this is fast, it sounds crazy” Dennis lets out a laugh as he runs his hand through his hair “but I think l may be falling in love with her!”

“Oh. I’m happy for you.” Mac forces himself to say. The truth is he has no idea how he feels. He’s still reeling from the unexpectedness of it all. 

“Thanks buddy. Now, you wanted to tell me something?”

“Yeah I…” his announcement sounds so much less momentous now. Mac knows he should be glad. Catching Dennis in such a good mood is as good a circumstance as he could hope for, but he feels like he’s had the wind knocked out of him. 

“I moved out. Of the apartment. I’m gonna find a place of my own. I… I think we should stop seeing each other so much.”

He winces as he says it. He can’t believe it’s out there. It feels more definitive than the act of moving out. He wants to pick the words out of the air and swallow them back up, but he knows he can’t take it back. He reminds himself that it’s for the best, he reminds himself of how he felt that morning.

“Oh my god! Mac! I was just gonna talk to you about that!”

“You were?”

“Yes!” Dennis gets up and walks up to Mac to put a hand on his shoulder, thousand watt smile on his lips.

“I can’t believe we’re so in sync bro! See, I can envision things getting serious with Jackie, and she can’t see me living with my drug dealer from high school you know? It’s… it’s pathetic is what it is, and I’m _so relieved_ you feel the same way man! This is amazing!”

“Yeah. Yeah it is.” 

Mac’s stomach sinks a thousand feet underground.

_Pathetic._

Dennis thinks their relationship is pathetic.

20 years. His whole adult life.

Pathetic.

It feels like a dagger’s pierced straight through his heart, but he just says “I uh, I better go down to the basement, do some Charlie work, if Charlie’s not doing it, I… might as well, uh, go do, you know.”

He scampers out the door and runs down the stairs to the basement. It’s not often Mac cries. It’s even more rare for him to cry in public, and he hates himself for the tears spilling down his cheeks.

* * *

“Jackie Denardo?!! What the hell?!!”

As soon as Mac runs out Dee bursts through the door. She was eavesdropping, of course she was.

“Yeah, so what?” Dennis is smiling like he just pulled off the heist of the century. 

“You weren’t supposed to say Jackie Denardo! You absolute moron!”

“Why not? She’s attractive.”

“Of course she’s attractive! She’s completely out of your league!!”

“Out of my league?! She’s not out of my league! She should be lucky to get me! She’s old!!”

“Old?! Dennis she’s our age!” 

“That’s what I mean, a woman our age? she’s old as shit!”

“Goddamnit Dennis! How am I supposed to get Jackie Denardo? Remember the next step? You gotta parade her around!”

“Of course I remember the next step, it’s _my_ plan after all!” 

That’s false. The whole plan was thought up by Dee while Dennis was sniveling in the corner.

_You’re not gonna get him back by being pathetic. You gotta show him that you’re doing great. People want what they can’t have. Mac’s probably banking on you being a mess without him. When he sees you thriving, he’ll be all over you again._

“Ok, so how am I gonna get Jackie fucking Denardo to go out with _you?!_ I was just gonna hire a hooker, this is completely out of my pay grade!”

“Oh come on Dee, I don’t need to _pay_ a woman to go out with me! Why would I? I’ll get Jackie Denardo, don’t you worry about that.” 

“You’ll _get her?_ What, with your ropes and zip ties?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Dee, I’ll D.E.N.N.I.S her, she’ll be eating out of the palm of my hand in no time.”

“Ok. Let me get this straight: you’re gonna D.E.N.N.I.S Jackie Denardo just to D.E.N.N.I.S Mac?”

“Yeah.” Dennis raises his shoulders like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

Goddamnit, Dee thinks. Never make plans with a maniac. 

* * *

  
  


Charlie comes in an hour later, reeking and sporting some suspicious brown stains on his shirt. 

“Charlie this is disgusting, go change! You know I have a delicate sense of smell.” 

Dennis has been enjoying himself. Mac hasn’t come out of the basement, and he figures he’s debating himself about leaving, and the more he takes, the better a shot Dennis has. 

He’s going to refuse to let him come back at first, of course. He’ll let him suffer for a couple of days as he parades around with Jackie (how? Let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Maybe he could get away with using a lookalike?), and then, he’ll take pity. 

He’ll go up to Mac and say “It pains me so much to see you like this man! I’m gonna help you out, you can have your old room back buddy.” The look of gratitude and relief on Mac’s face on its own will be half the reward. The other half will be watching Mac’s heart completely break in two when he throws him out later. 

NOBODY leaves the golden god. 

“Yeah well you’re gonna have to get used to this smell if you wanna host rat fights.”

And with that, Charlie goes down to the basement, to get the shirt he changes into when the gang get anal about odors. 

He finds Mac sitting on the floor against the wall, drinking from a gallon of bleach. 

Charlie keeps all his day drinking alcohol in empty cleaning supplies containers.

“Oh yeah that’s the good stuff. 90% pure.” Charlie walks past him to get to his (slightly) less smelly shirt.

“What do you mean? It’s just rum.”

“ _90%_ rum.”

“What’s the other 10%?”

“What does the label say?”

“OH MY GOD CHARLIE I’M DRINKING BLEACH?!”

“ _10%_ bleach.” Charlie makes finger guns at him.

“Goddamnit.” Mac puts the gallon down in a huff, looks at it, frowns, and takes a small sip.

“It doesn’t taste like bleach.”

“I told you it’s the good shit! That one right there is like a whole third of bleach, and I guarantee you, it does _not_ go down easy.”

“But why put the bleach in at all?” Mac asks pensively, taking a long drink.

“I don’t _put_ the bleach in Mac. It’s already there!”

“Yeah but why _keep…_ you know what? never mind.”

Charlie starts up the stairs.

“Hey Charlie. Wanna get outa here?”

Charlie turns around. “Oh my god yes. I got too much Charlie work backed up bro, it’s exhausting.”

Dee sees them sneak out the front door.

“Charlie!! Charlie all the toilets are clogged up!! Charlie! Goddamnit!”

* * *

Mac and Charlie are back at their old stomping grounds. Three trains have already passed by and now they’re sitting on the rubble, passing the 90% gallon around while the sky gets dark and cloudy. The sounds of the city seem far away, like they have nothing to do with them and their lives. Like Mac and Charlie can just exist in this liminal space, away from the adult world and responsibilities. It’s comforting to them both. They feel like they felt when they were thirteen. Unencumbered by the years, dumb and drunk and free. 

Until Mac remembers, and his stomach sinks again.

“Hey Charlie? Did you mean it when you said you were proud of me?”

“Nah man, anyone coulda made that shot, I was just tryna cheer you up cos you seemed bummed about Dennis.”

“What? I… are you talking about the rock I threw that landed straight in the middle of the “O” on the sign? Because _anybody_ could _not_ have made that shot, Charlie. That was a testament to my core strength and cat-like reflexes. But I wasn’t talking about that, I was talking about last night, you told me you were proud of me, remember?”

“Oh yeah man! Big time!”

“Why?”

“Cos you moved on! I’ve watched you be hung up on Dennis my whole life! I’m so proud you just said fuck it, you know? I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re gonna have to find a place to live, pronto, cos Frank is _not_ happy, but I’m real happy for you man, you’re gonna do great.”

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“I don’t know… that Dennis treated me like shit? That I was wasting my time on him?”

“ _Wasting your time?_ Mac you were “straight” till like four years ago. I didn’t think you’d _ever_ come out the closet, much less admit you were in love with Dennis. I thought you were gonna just keep banging ugly chicks until you died.”

“I mean yeah, I know it was a big shock for all of you that I was gay, but I’ve never admited to being in love with Dennis and I want that on the record!”

Charlie looks at him incredulously, and takes a chug of 90% rum hoping the bleach content is enough to get him through this conversation. 

“The part about him treating me like shit though...”

“Mac, Dennis treats everybody like shit. In fact, we all do. Haven’t you noticed how we treat Dee? That bird’s like a prank away from killing herself!”

“That’s so fucked up!”

“I know, but it’s just the way it is. Why was I gonna point out Dennis treating you like shit? Dennis hates everyone bro! You’re probably the only person he halfway tolerates.”

“And Dee.”

“He _needs_ Dee. He also needs you, and me, and even Frank. That doesn’t mean he respects us. He just needs us.”

“Well, I don’t think he needs _me_ anymore. I told him I left the apartment and he was glad Charlie, glad! I wasn’t ready for that, _at all._ ”

“What do you mean he was glad?”

“He met Jackie Denardo and they’re in love now or some shit.” Mac’s making that angry toddler face Dennis has always found irresistible. Charlie wants to violently shake it out of him. 

“He met who?”

“Jackie Denardo, the news lady. I guess she didn’t recognize him from when he met her at Walmart or whatever. She must meet lots of people everyday, it makes sense. And I guess he made a better impression on her this time.”

“How would he make a better impression? He’s only gotten creepier with the years. At least when he met her the first time he didn’t look like a vampire that hasn’t bitten anyone in a hundred years.”

“Yeah, that’s because he doesn’t eat.”

“Yeah well he looks like crap, does she have a fetish for terminally ill people or something?”

“I don’t know Charlie! I only know what he told me!”

“Exactly.”

“What’re you saying?”

“That it’s not true Mac! He made that shit up just to get a rise out of you! There is no Jackie Denardo!”

“Charlie, not only does Jackie Denardo exist, but she’s been…”

“Oh you know what I mean! There’s no way Dennis just conveniently met and fell in love with his dream woman at the exact same time you left.”

“It does sound very suspicious when you put it like that.”

“That’s because it is! I promise you, Dennis is _not_ having some fairytale romance with this woman. He probably doesn’t even know her.”

A little spark of hope lights up inside Mac. He still doesn’t want Dennis back, but he doesn’t want him to move on just like that either.

It’s complicated ok?

* * *

The apartment feels devastatingly empty. Dennis tried to go home with Dee, but she ran out when he wasn’t looking.

He doesn’t care. He can do this. Dennis has never needed another human being in his life.

He thinks he’s not going to be able to sleep, but it turns out all of the crying and screaming and alcohol consumption have taken their toll, and he passes out as soon as he hits the bed.

* * *

Dennis is lying on the beach. It’s midday and the sky is a deep indigo color. He can hear the seagulls above him, and somewhere up ahead, the ocean with its comforting roar. 

The sand is warm under his towel and the breeze cool on his body. Dennis feels completely at ease in his own skin. It’s been so long since he’s felt like this. Has he ever felt like this? Like nothing is out of place and everything is as it should be.

He hears footsteps, pattering off to his side from the reeds, getting closer. A person comes to kneel on the sand besides him. It’s Mac. He knew it was him before he saw him, who else could it be?

He’s beaming at him, brighter than the sun shining above their heads. Dennis suddenly feels ugly and self-conscious, because Mac is twenty years old. Slim and sinewy, elongated muscles all on display under a thin layer of baby fat. He’s wearing swim trunks, the same swim trunks he had twenty years ago when they still got invited to pool parties at other people’s houses. His hair is messy and in his eyes, freckles doting his sun kissed face. He looks like a dream.

Mac’s staring down at him like he hung the stars, and Dennis feels secure again. He’s exactly as he should be, he forgets all the wrinkles and gray hairs, the non existent rolls. Mac’s eyes crinkle at the corners, and before Dennis can think, before he can even consider it, he’s leaning down and kissing him, slow and sweet, their mouths parting lazily, tongues caressing, sucking on each other’s lips, like they’ve been doing this their whole lives. 

Dennis feels a sudden pang through his heart.

“I can’t believe we wasted so much time, Mac. I’m so fucking sorry.” He feels warm tears run down his cheeks. Mac’s expression doesn’t change as he wipes them away with his fingers. He looks happy, the happiest Dennis has ever seen him. 

“What are you talking about dude? We have all the time we need. See how beautiful it is out?” And Mac looks around, shielding his eyes with his hand. Flecks of sand glitter golden on his skin, and Dennis thinks he’s going to remember him like this forever. He’s lying beside Dennis, propped up on one arm, and goes in to kiss him again. The kisses are soft and deep. They’re the best kisses Dennis has ever had, but it seems like, for them, this is normal, they can have this every day. Dennis can kiss him like this whenever he wants and for as long as he wants. 

Mac’s lying on top of him now, as they continue to kiss. His body feels warm on him. Like it radiates a soothing power, like being put under anesthetic. Like painkillers making your blood feel like pure light. There’s a tangle of limbs until Dennis doesn’t know which are his anymore, and his erection strains against his shorts. Above him, he can feel Mac, big and thick, rutting against him. For the very first time since he found out, Dennis isn’t even a little bit mad that Mac’s bigger than him. 

Suddenly they’re naked, and he’s bending his legs at the knees. Dennis gasps as he feels Mac fingering him, softly working him open. “Oh god Den, you’re so pretty. I… I can’t get over how pretty you are. I never seen a boy as pretty as you, you know? You know why I was so mean at first? You know why I slept with your prom date?” Mac is staring deep into his eyes as he fingers him, sweetly, slowly, “it’s because when I met you I _knew_ it wasn’t a phase. I thought it was your fault for so long, man! I thought you _made_ me gay. But of course it wasn’t that” and he dips in to punctuate his sentence with a kiss “it was just that you were always so beautiful to me. It was always you Den. Always you.”

Mac enters him and Dennis feels full, like Mac’s reaching every corner of his body, like there’s no more room for pain, or sorrow, there’s no big gaping hole in the middle of his heart. They look into each other’s eyes as Mac begins to thrust, slow and deep, like Dennis is the most important thing in the world. Dennis is laughing now, genuine, joyful laughter that escapes from his lips like a song “I love you so much Mac, I love you so fucking much.” 

Now tears are falling from Mac’s eyes, Dennis feels them drip on his face, warm little raindrops. He’s still smiling his sweet, open smile as he says “god, I wish it didn’t have to be like this.” 

“Like how?” The sky is getting overcast, Dennis feels a chill. Mac’s face slowly fades on top of him, and Dennis wakes up crying. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I alternate between hating Dennis and feeling sorry for Dennis. This chapter is the graphic representation of that I guess.


	5. Chapter 5

“Goddamnit Dennis! You ain’t listenin’ to me!”

“And why should I listen to you? You have _no_ rats, and _no_ gamblers. You have been completely inefficient throughout this whole enterprise, and I’m reconsidering my involvement in what is apparent to me now to be a very foolish endeavor, actually!”

Dennis came in to work early, and had been polishing every single surface in the bar when Frank arrived. It was much better than pacing around the apartment, it was so much better than going out to buy crack. Dennis felt very proud of his healthy coping mechanisms as he downed the third beer of the morning. 

“Well all my gamblers got deported!”

“And _you_ voted for the guy who deported them! It’s still your fault!”

“Hey… lots of us voted for ‘im, he was gonna drain the swamp. Mac voted for ‘im too!”

“Correction: Mac _wanted_ to vote for him, but I staged a Die Hard marathon at the apartment and Bruce Willis won over bigotry.”

“Well I’m puttin’ together a new crew, don’t you worry about that.”

“A new crew to bet on _what,_ Frank? We have no rats! I mean, we have loads of rats, judging by all the rat shit laying around, but they seem to be uncatchable rats! Rats that shall not be caught! Uber rats!!”

“Don’ worry about that, I got my people on it.”

“Your people… Charlie?”

“Charlie was a little slow, he’s a great kid, but he wasn’t cuttin’ it, so I did a little outside consultation, a little outsourcing. Don’t go tellin’ ‘im though! It’d break his heart.”

“So what are you gonna tell him when the rats just magically appear and he didn’t catch them?”

“Oh that’s easy. I’ll just knock ‘im out with some solvents and then he can wake up surrounded by rats. You think that kid remembers _half_ of what he does on any given day?”

Why does everything have to be so unnecessarily complicated? Dennis is rubbing his temples when Dee walks in. 

“Hey Dennis. Meet me in the back office?”

Frank looks at them suspiciously, and hopes they’re not planning to poison him for the inheritance.

“Yeah I’ll be right there.” Dennis picks up another bottle and shuffles to the back. 

* * *

  
  


“You look like shit! Didn’t you get any sleep last night?”

“I don’t look like shit.” Dennis quickly takes out his compact “shoot. I guess I’m not looking my absolute best today, but I don’t look like shit do I?”

The question sounds so earnest that Dee takes pity on her brother. He _does_ look like shit, tired and pale and… _devoid of all hope_ would be a good way to put it, but she just tells him to sit in the office chair while she tweaks his makeup.

“We’re gonna need ten thousand dollars.” She tells him as she spackles concealer under his eyes. “I’ve been thinking it over, and it’s the only way we’re gonna get Jackie.”

“I told you! We don’t need to pay her, Dee! I’ll just find her and woo her.”

“ _Find her? Woo her?_ Dennis we are not in a romantic comedy. Even if you do manage to run into her and not immediately repulse her or freak her out, who’s to say she doesn’t have a boyfriend? She may even be married for all we know! What if she’s a lesbian?!”

“Well, that wouldn’t stop me.” Dennis says, but his heart’s not in it. He’s feeling much less secure about his charms now that he’s not riding the high of telling Mac off. Fresh off that goddamn erotic nightmare. “And anyways, you just jump to the conclusion that she’s a high class call girl? That is _very_ crass of you Dee.”

“No you idiot! I’m gonna stage a Make a Wish type situation. The money’s just to make it look legit.”

“And I’m what? Some dying idiot who’s last wish is to parade a local news reporter in front of his stupid roommate?”

“Yes! It’s a good lie because it’s so close to the truth.”

“No no no, we’re not playing it that way.”

“Ok. Plan b then.”

“What’s plan b?”

“You’re a grieving widower, and I, your wealthy sister, offer Jackie 10 thousand dollars to go to dinner with you, _without your knowledge,_ because you always used to remark that her… her eyes reminded you of your late wife, and I wanted to do something nice for you since she was your soulmate, taken away so prematurely by… cancer. You’ll act appalled and embarrassed when I spring her on you at the restaurant, but, after profusely apologizing for my behavior, you’ll gracefully offer to go through with dinner anyways, so she doesn’t waste her time. That’s when I find a way to get Mac to see you two together.”

“That’s… that’s actually not bad.”

“Of course it’s not bad.”

“And then she succumbs to my charms, and I take her back to the apartment, to make sweet love to her in my dunge… my room. Yeah. So, where are we gonna get the 10,000?”

“Where do we get all our money? Frank.” Dee says matter of factly. 

“You got a plan to get it from him?”

“Do you think that seeing Mac suffer would be motivation enough?”

“No… not since they did that prison dance scheme together. Frank hates him less since that happened, he doesn’t even press his back up against the wall when Mac enters the room anymore.”

“Shit you’re right.”

“Blackmail?” Dennis thinks out-loud. 

“Do you really think that man has the ability to feel shame about _anything_ he’s done? And we don’t know any of his financial dirt...”

“Yeah I could never understand any of it.”

“Yeah, me neither” Dee says dejectedly. “I guess it’s time to cash out on Svetlana.”

Dennis stops in his tracks. “Svetlana?”

“Ok, you know how old people always get scammed by Nigerian princess? Well I made one specially for Frank. Only she’s Russian because you guys always say I’m racist.”

“And she’s a woman because Frank is a pig… not bad Dee.”

“Yeah, we’ve been talking online for months now.”

“But how? did you get an actress or…”

“Oh he doesn’t see me. We met through a Club Penguin forum and he thinks I don’t have a smartphone or a webcam”

“A _what_ forum?”

“A forum to discuss all things Club Penguin. It was a couple of very depressed twenty year olds, Svetlana and Frank.”

“I guess that makes sense, Frank never learned to use the internet.”

“Nooo imagine if he had!”

And at that they both shiver instinctively.

“So she’s just gonna hit him up for ten grand? How would that work?”

“Oh I’ve been building up to it. Svetlana wants to come meet Frank, but she has to build her village a well first.”

“You… you know Russia has running water don’t you?”

“She lives in a very small village Dennis.”

“And what is the name of this village?”

“Look, you want Svetlana or not?”

“Yes! Ok! Let’s do this.”

“Ok, so what do I get in return?”

“What do you _want_ in return?” Dennis asks through his teeth.

“I want your admittance, _in writing,_ that this whole thing was my idea.”

“Jesus Christ Dee, that’s pathetic.”

* * *

Mac’s having a very productive morning, scraping cheese off the radiator.

“Mac I told you! If you get all the cheese you kill the grilled Charlie! That crust is there for a reason! It adds to the flavor!”

“Ok, then I’m gonna wrap the couch in plastic.”

“DO NOT WRAP THE COUCH IN PLASTIC FOR FUCK’S SAKE MAC!”

That night Mac had made puppy dog eyes at them until they let him sleep on the bed. So much for all his protestations that he rather sleep anywhere than with Frank and Charlie. In fact, he’d spooned Charlie all night through, whimpering in his sleep. That was why Frank had been at the bar earlier than usual, their chorus of lamentations -Charlie’s from his usual nightmares, Mac’s from the day’s heartbreak- had driven him out of bed. 

When Mac finally woke, he had gotten to work “fixing” various issues around the apartment that only he had issue with. He’d thrown out fifty four opened cans of cat food, emptied seven jars of piss, and swept up two pounds of pigeon feathers and wood chips from the floor. Why were the pigeon feathers and wood chips? That was a question for another time. 

“Look, let’s just go to the bar, man. We’ll get some hoagies on the way, how about that?”

“No. I’m gonna stay in today.”

“Mac. You gotta get out of the house! You gotta get out of my house” he adds under his breath. “You can’t just sit around my apartment moping and destroying the ambiance with your pathological cleaning!”

“Charlie! It’s a very sensitive time for me! I get that you, -as a straight man- lack the emotional intelligence to understand that, but just trust me on this ok? As a gay man I’m an authority on these matters.”

“Why do I gotta be the straight man?”

“I don’t know Charlie, what are you then?”

“I thought we were done doing gender, I don’t wanna be a man!”

“Ok, whatever you want. I’m still a man though, but I’m a gay man, which means I’m atuned to my feelings, which means that I’m gonna stay in today and you can’t stop me.”

“Ok, whatever” Charlie says as he puts on his green jacket. “Just don’t download any of your gross stuff on Frank’s laptop and infect it with a super virus.”

“I can’t, I don’t have the password. Maybe you could give me the password?” 

But Charlie’s already out the door, and Mac considers testing random numbers until it shuts down.

* * *

Frank is glued to his phone by the time Charlie comes in to work.

_My darling comrade!! My body yearns to see you in the flesh._

My little matryoshka! How r u???

💖💋😍

_My dearest Frank, the bears are restless in their caves, signaling the time that I shall finally come to you, so that we may consummate our shared passion._

You coming baby that’s great! 

Finally!! 💖💖💖

I wanna play hide the pelmeni if u know what I mean 

👉👌💦

_Yes Frank, you’re a regular Pushkin. Nevertheless, I cannot leave until I give my village a well_

U still goin on about that? Let em melt sum snow or something. 

U can drink ur own piss u no? 

It’s got anti oxygens! 

_My darling alas I cannot, I have promised a well and a well I must produce. The winters are harsh and unforgiving here in the frozen tundra, I cannot leave my comrades to suffer, my enormously ample bosom shudders buxomly at the thought_

Baby come on, what do u need to come to America? I ain’t marrying you if that’s what ur after

_Oh no, we Soviet women are very free with our love and bodies. The only thing that would allow me to fly to your arms is 10,000 dollars_

What? Y?

_So that I may build the well and take a plane to see you, my darling warthog_

Did u buy that web cam I sent u money 4?

At this, Dennis, who’s looking over Dee’s shoulder as she nonchalantly types standing just ten feet away from Frank, glares at her with a deep hatred in his eyes.

_yes, I have purchased the camera._

Alright! Turn it on baby let me c u!

Dennis snatches the phone out of Dee’s hands, but neither Frank, nor Charlie, who’s wrapped up in late Charlie work, notice 

_Well, I won’t turn it on until I see you first_

Dee tries to snatch her phone back but Dennis keeps her away with a hand on her face 

Alright let me just FaceTime u real quick then

_No! You have to be in your house!_

What?

_I don’t want our first meeting to be while you’re sitting in some dirty bar_

Dee looks at Dennis in disbelief. Did he just blow months of her hard work? How the hell would Svetlana know he’s at the bar? But Dennis just blazes through, and she studies Frank’s face. Nothing indicates that there’s anything wrong, she feels like half the work she’s done trying to make Svetlana believable was lost on him.

_I must see you in your home, even if it’s a small room you maybe share with your probable son, it’s not a problem. Only that we have some privacy_

Ok whatever u want, but u gotta show me ur tits then 🍆🍑💦💦💦

_Oh yes, I will show them to you in all their Slavic glory._

Frank springs up like a Jack in the box. “I gotta go! Charlie come with me.”

“What? Why?”

“I need ya to work the camera on my computer.”

“Oh come on man! You don’t know how to do that yet?”

“But you do?” Dennis asks incredulously.

“Hey! I’m much smarter than what any of you think! At least I don’t have imaginary girlfriends.”

Dennis narrows his eyes and when he speaks it’s very soft, delivered looking straight at Charlie “Jackie is not imaginary Charlie. We’re in love.”

“Oh come on who gives a shit” Frank signals to Charlie from the door “c’mon Charlie I need ya!”

“Yeah…I better go”. Charlie doesn’t take his eyes off of Dennis until he gets through the door. There’s something very unsettling about the way Dennis looks at him sometimes, like a preamble to something Charlie does not want to discover. 

As soon as they’re out the door Dee yells at Dennis “what the fuck was that?! You gonna FaceTime with Frank?!”

“You’re the one who conned him for a web cam! I bought us some time sending him home! My quick thinking saved us!”

“Oh yeah? So what’re we gonna do when he gets home in half an hour?”

“We’re gonna go to your apartment, right now, and we’re gonna make it work, you bitch.”

Ten minutes later, Dennis is ransacking Dee’s apartment as she applies heavy makeup.

“Dee! Stop putting on make up! He’s gonna recognize you, we’re gonna cover you up, like this.” And he throws a scarf over her head. “There, much better.”

“He won’t wanna give her ten thousand dollars if he can’t see her!”

“Yeah but if he sees her, and she looks like you, he won’t wanna give her the money either!”

Dee is about to say something, but Dennis raises a hand. “I have an idea.”

* * *

  
  


Frank and Charlie fumble with the lock before bursting into the apartment. Mac’s nowhere to be seen, and Charlie observes that the place is a lot less clean than he expected by now. In fact, it’s kinda messy, like there was a struggle or something. 

“Alright Charlie fire ‘er up! I’m gonna meet the love of my life.”

“This is crazy Frank! How do you know this chick’s even real?”

“We been talkin’ forever Charlie! She understands me! I just wanna see if she really does have massive knockers before I send her all that money.”

“Ok man, whatever. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

Charlie tinkers a bit with the laptop, which is taking a while because it’s incredibly old and cheap, and because it has suffered through various spills of unknown substances.

“Alright Frank here you are, you can FaceTime with your lady, man, go for it.”

Frank sits in front of the computer and rubs his hands together. 

“Alright baby I’m here, turn on your camera!”

The image from the other side is very dark.

“Turn on the light baby doll! I wanna see you!”

“It is on, this must be because we are so far. The connection is very bad. But look, maybe this way you can see me better?”

The figure comes closer to the screen, and Frank and Charlie can make out a longish face with high cheekbones and a square jaw. Most of it is obscured by a scarf wrapped around her hair and neck, and what is visible is slathered in very dark makeup.

“Baby I can’t see you good! See? I’m showin’ you my apartment! Nice huh? You gonna get a lotta use outta this couch when you come here.”

“Oh yes it is very good home, very solid.”

Charlie knows that voice sounds familiar, and he’s trying to place it when there’s a loud knock coming from the wall next to him and a muffled scream.

“MOTHERFUCKER IT BIT ME!”

“Frank! You hear that?!”

“Shut up Charlie! I’m tryin’ to speak to Svetlana”

“Yes Charles, shush!” Svetlana haughtily says from the other side of the screen, “would you like to see my bosom Frank?”

There’s some rustling going on at Svetlana’s, and finally, what looks like two huge breasts are pressed against the screen. Back at Dee’s, Dennis is rubbing his naked butt against Dee’s laptop camera, and Dee’s thinking about all the disinfecting she’ll have to do later.

“Ooh baby that’s it!”

“GODDAMNIT GET IT OFF!”

“Frank… there was another yell coming from that wall, man, I don’t think it’s the neighbors, they don’t even speak English.”

“Shut up Charlie!”

“I GOTTA GET OUT MAN, I’M SORRY!”

And with that, one of the doors in the apartment that Charlie had thought couldn’t be opened burst open, and through it fell Mac and… wait, is that Z? In various stages of undress.

For a moment Frank and Charlie watched frozen in shock as Z and Mac hoped around shaking their legs.

“I DON’T KNOW WHAT TYPE OF ANIMAL YOU GUYS GOT IN THERE BUT IT AIN’T RATS! I FELT A FUCKING TALON!!”

“IT WAS FUCKING SLIMY, SHIT I STILL FEEL IT ON ME!”

“ME TOO!...DID YOU FEEL ANTLERS?!”

“Mac what the fuck?!” Charlie interrupts. “You’re bringing dudes into my house to bang them? Dude, that’s so not cool! You’re a guest!”

“I didn’t bring Z over Frank brought him over to look for rats!” Mac, ever Ronnie the rat, shouts the sentence as if it was just one long word. 

“What? Frank, is this true?”

Frank looks to the laptop, “Just a minute my love” but Svetlana doesn’t pay him any mind. If the image on the screen were any clearer he’d see that her eyes are glued to the two men who just burst out of the mystery door, and her mouth is hanging wide open. 

Charlie is equally focused, but on Frank, quiet disbelief in his eyes.

“Yeah Charlie… I asked Z for help with the rats alright?”

“WHAT THE FUCK FRANK! I thought _I_ was your rat catcher!”

“And you are, Charlie! I just thought you might need some help, is all.”

Meanwhile Z and Mac are rummaging through the apartment looking for their clothes, trying to stay out of the very awkward conversation taking place.

“You don’t believe in me, man! You never believe in me!”

“Of course I believe in ya Charlie!”

“Nah man. This is my area of expertise. I’ve dedicated my whole life to being the best at rats, and you don’t think I’m good enough. You’ve never thought I was good enough, have you? I’m not even good enough to be your kid!”

“Charlie no! It ain’t like that! It’s… havin’ Mac around is fucking with our dynamic! He needs to go!”

“No Frank. _You_ need to go. Get out of my house.”

“Charlie! What’re you sayin’?!”

“I’m done man! You never appreciate me! I’ve been working my ass off trying to catch these rats for you, and you’ve been scheming behind my back?! That’s bullshit Frank. You need to go, I gotta have some time to think.”

“Think about what Charlie?” Svetlana has been completely forgotten, and Frank hasn’t looked back at the screen once.

“About us. Now, good day sir.”

“What?”

“I SAID GOOD DAY!”

Charlie just stands there with his arms crossed. Frank looks into his eyes, but Charlie’s eyes are closed off from him, a deep hurt and anger emanating from them. 

Everybody’s silent as Frank puts some clothes in a garbage bag and, with one last imploring look at Charlie, walks out the door with his head down.

He looks absolutely devastated as he turns back from the hallway one last time. “You know where to find me Charlie. Let me make it up to ya, when you’re ready.” And he shuffles away, a broken man.

Silence.

“So… you gon’ be leaving anytime soon?” Z asks Charlie.

“What? So you can keep treating my house like a motel?! No man! Get out!”

Z and Mac share a look and Z walks out the door, not before turning to Charlie and saying “if it makes you feel any better, I couldn’t catch no rats either. That shit is _hard_ ” He makes the _give me a call_ gesture to Mac and he’s gone.

“So… _I_ get to stay, right?” Mac asks after a minute of watching Charlie stand there, all muscles taught, opening and closing his fists against his sides.

“Aaaaaghhhhhhhhh!!!” Charlie screams into the air and goes to get a can of spray paint and a sock from under the couch. Mac decides to take this as a yes, and briefly considers going back into the mystery closet to finish himself off, quickly discarding the possibility due to the fear of the unknown animal that’s probably still in there. 

So he sits on the other side of the couch and very quietly watches his friend as he huffs his paint. At least _he’s_ not in trouble.

* * *

On the other side of the screen, Dennis closes Dee’s laptop. She looks at him sideways, feeling a strange mix of glee (at Dennis’ misfortune) and apprehension (at the consequences of Dennis’ misfortune), but she can’t help commenting.

“So… Mac huh?”

“If you don’t stop talking _right now_ I will kill you, feed your body to the rats and display your head on a stake outside the bar, as a warning to the NEXT BITCH WHO WANTS TO SAY SOMETHING TO ME YOU GOT THAT?!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it’s important to always remember that Dee and Dennis are dumbasses


	6. Chapter 6

Frank is sitting on Dee’s couch, staring soulfully into the hard boiled egg in his hand and trying his best not to break down in tears again. Dennis takes a while to emerge from the bathroom and Frank is so wrapped up in his own misery that he doesn’t register that his face is blotchy and raw from scrubbing Svetlana’s makeup off at the last minute. He could probably have left the makeup on and Frank wouldn’t have noticed.

“Dennis! Ya gotta get Mac back to livin’ with you! He’s screwing up my relationship with Charlie!”

Normally, this would be a good time to berate Frank for eluding his responsibility in screwing up his own relationships, but this turn of events strikes Dennis as ideal, so he needs to make the degenerate little gremlin think he has no idea of what he’s going on about if he wants to take advantage. 

He feigns casual indifference and asks “How the hell is  _ Mac _ screwing up your relationship with Charlie?”

“He swept up all my pigeon feathers! He’s moanin’ an’ tossin’ in his sleep, hosting perverted sex parties with animal experts, and now he snitched to Charlie that I was outsourcing the rat hunt!”

“And he doesn’t even have the dildo bike, you think I want all of  _ that _ back?”

“You ain’t falling apart without him?”

“Frank, I’m  _ thriving  _ without Mac around! It’s been amazing!”

“If you take him back I’ll pay your rent for a year.”

Dennis pretends to consider it. 

“Two years.”

“Ok alright.” Frank must really be desperate, he didn’t even try to bargain.

“What do  _ I  _ get?” Dee asks.

“You get dick. Why would you get anything? Now Dennis, first thing’s first: we gotta get you looking handsome for Mac.”

“I always look handsome, Frank.”

“Eeehhhh.”

“What?! I do!”

“Have you been eating?”

“Of course I have, Frank. Human beings need food for sustenance.”

“No he hasn’t!” Dee cuts in, “I haven’t seen him eat since Mac left.”

“Yeah Dennis you’re lookin’ like an anemic gecko.”

“LOOK!! You’re getting off focus. I don’t have to pander to  _ you,  _ you sordid little weevil! Mac  _ knows  _ I’m a five star man and that’s that! Now, I’m going to explain to you how I’m going to get him back, with the airtight plan I constructed while you two were making transparently resentful remarks about my appearance. Listen up! I am going to take Jackie Denardo to dinner…”

Dee glares as Dennis goes over the plan she single handedly crafted as if it were his own, to get the reward  _ she  _ deserves. Sometimes she has an inkling as to how different things could be, but she can never discover the necessary steps to get there. Every time she gains a little respect from the gang she thinks it’s going to stick, only for them to forget about it the very next day and go back to treating her like shit. 

“Deandra! Are ya listening?” She turns to Frank, who’s looking like he used to look when she and Dennis came running down the stairs on Christmas morning, all excitement and anticipation. “Tomorrow, we’re gonna go straight to Jackie and bribe her to go out with Dennis.”

“I wouldn’t call it a bribe…” Dennis interjects.

“It’s a bribe.” Dee and Frank say in unison.

* * *

Mac and Charlie are drinking, sitting on the bar floor. They’ve got three different kinds of cheese out and Journey has been playing on a loop for the last hour.

“This feels so stupid Mac.”

“Well, Dennis says you gotta romance the rats, and Dennis is like, really smart, so.”

“Well Mac, I think that the fact that no rats have come to your little date proves that rats  _ don’t  _ like romance, just like I told you.”

“Charlie, you told me rats don’t like romance except for this one other rat that’s special to them and that they mate with exclusively for their whole life. That doesn’t sound like rats dude, that sounds like you!”

“Me?!”

“Yeah, you and the waitress. What’s up with that anyways?”

“She doesn’t wanna see me anymore, so we’re back to our regular dynamic.”

“Where you chase her and she puts out restraining orders.”

“Oh she didn’t put up a restraining order, the old one was always in place.”

“Why do you do it Charlie? Why all this time on  _ one  _ girl?”

“I don’t know Mac, why do  _ you  _ do it?”

“Do what?”

“Oh come on man, you’ve been after Dennis since the day we met him.”

“WHAT?! No I haven’t!”

“You want examples? Cos I got nothing else to do.”

“Ok, go ahead.” Mac makes his neck high.

“I know you carried around a picture of Dennis in your wallet in high school.”

“WHAT?! CHARLIE THAT WAS MY PRIVATE PROPERTY!!”

“You asked for examples, Mac.”

“I carried pictures of all my friends in my wallet!”

“No, just the one. I checked.”

“Goddamnit Charlie! You sneaky little…”

“I looked in your senior yearbook too. Why did you scratch out all the pictures of Dennis?”

**9:00 am**

**On a Monday**

**In 1994**

**Philadelphia, PA**

“So, I asked Heather to the prom, and she said yes.”

“Wait. What?”

Dennis and Mac were smoking a joint in Dennis’ Range Rover. They’d skipped school and were parked in a Denny’s parking lot, windows rolled up to create a thick cloud of smoke around them. Charlie hadn’t come this time, he’d gotten out of the car at the last minute to chase down some girl he had a crush on and after waiting exactly one minute for him they’d driven off. 

“Yeah, I’m gonna take her to the prom, how about that?” 

“How about that?! Dude! you were gonna hang out with me and Charlie! We were gonna get high and laugh at all the nerds!”

“We can still do that Mac, relax.”

“It’s not the same! We don’t even know this Heather chick!”

“ _ I  _ know her Mac, she’s nice, and bro, you wouldn’t believe the shit she does with her mouth, man, it’s like...

Mac just stares at Dennis as he drones on about Heather, eyes glazed over. Dennis doesn’t get it _.  _ He genuinely doesn’t. Mac’s not very perceptive but he’s studied Dennis’ face with a focus he’s never put into anything before. He thinks he knows when he’s being facetious, he thinks he can see it in his eyes.

He’s usually wrong. Dennis has spent hours in front of the mirror perfecting his facial expressions to express exactly what he wants every time and nothing more. But Mac’s right this time. Dennis is truly blindsided by Mac’s anger. He just has no idea of what it means to Mac, and that just makes it all worse.

He feels stupid. But worse than that, he feels stupid for feeling stupid. Well, not stupid… it’s another word, a word he can’t even bring himself to pronounce inside the confines of his own mind, but it makes him want to smash the fucking windshield, he wants to burn the whole world to the ground. Mac feels a surge of manic energy that won’t let him sit there, smiling and nodding along like everything’s just fine, so he gets out of the car, slams the door, and walks off, fists clenched, not even thinking about looking back.

He hears the car roll up besides him. The window opens and a thick cloud of smoke escapes into the overcast morning. 

“Mac! what the fuck? Get in the car, man!”

He can’t. He wants to, with every fiber of his being. He wants to get in the car and he wants Dennis to tell him he’s gonna cancel with Heather. Then, he wants him to take the roach they were smoking between his long fingers and put it up to Mac’s lips, like they’ve done a couple of times before, so Mac can lean in to the touch and close his eyes, make the moment last forever as he inhales the pungent smoke. 

But he can’t. So he just keeps walking and Dennis lets off. How is it fair? How is it fair that Charlie can go on and on about that stupid girl he likes? How is it fair that Dennis can just ask a girl out on a date like it’s normal? 

Well, Mac, it  _ is  _ normal, you’re just a degenerate. You’re wrong, the things you think about, alone in your room, instead of paying attention in class, watching football practice, and  _ every goddamn time  _ Charlie starts on his spiel about what’s her face, those things are wrong. Everything you want is wrong. Is it really Dennis’ fault that he’s not sick like you? Is it his fault that you’re like this?

Yes. Yes it is. He  _ knows  _ what he’s doing when he looks at you like that. He does it on purpose. He wants to catch you looking, he wants you to flinch, he wants the confirmation of what you are. You fucking monster.

Well, Mac’s gonna show Dennis that he doesn’t mean dick to him. And he does, at the prom, when Heather sneaks off with him because Dennis is being an asshole to her. Guess they have that in common huh.

It’s a weird feeling, having sex with his best friend’s prom date inside the janitor’s closet. Just a brief tangle of satin and high heels, cumming on her turquoise dress, which she wore to complement Dennis’ blue eyes. Sinking between the brooms and mops after she pulls up her panties, “see you around Ronnie”, feeling like the loneliest man on earth. 

He sits and he thinks about how much he hates Dennis, because Dennis goes through life doing exactly what he wants to do and nothing more. And he smiles at the girls and the girls fawn over him. He’s so goddamn pretty Mac could cry. But he’s not gonna cry. He’s never gonna cry for a spoiled little rich kid who thinks he’s so above him. Who smiles at him, and brushes his shoulder when they walk together. Who makes eye contact from the other end of the room like it’s the two of them against the world. Who does all those things and doesn’t give a shit. 

_ And he shouldn’t. He doesn’t give a shit cos he’s normal, Mac. You shouldn’t give a shit either. You gotta learn from him, you gotta get as many girls as you can and do this disgusting thing with them until you learn to love it. And you gotta prove to him that he’s nothing to you. That you’re just like him, and to him, lingering glances and brushing knees don’t mean shit. Mac don’t mean shit.  _

But Mac loses his courage when it’s time to tell him, and blames Tim Murphy at the last minute. So, he didn’t show him. All he got for his troubles is lousy sex, the shameful memory of his betrayal, and, deep down, the confirmation that he’s living a stupid, senseless lie. 

With Dennis, he can never win. 

…

“Never mind that Charlie. I mean it when I say I’m done with him. You know what? I don’t even care if he  _ is  _ dating Jackie Denardo. They can get married for all I care, and live together forever, and have tons of babies, and he’ll get her a dog, and she’ll name him…”

“Mac!” Charlie shushes him “look! Turns out rats  _ do _ like romance!”

There’s a small gray rat nibbling at the Brie cheese, and in one swift movement Charlie traps it in the bucket they had on hand for that effect.

“Alright Charlie! You caught a rat!”

“Yeah! Yeah I did! That’s  _ twice  _ the amount Frank’s profesional rat wrangler’s caught!”

“Uh… one is not two times zero, Charlie.”

“Then what is it Mac? What’s two times zero?”

“I think it’s just zero?”

“Well that sounds stupid. Now let’s go, we gotta make Carmelita a place to live.”

* * *

It had taken Dee a while to convince Frank that he couldn’t go. Jackie had interviewed him just over a year ago, and a very small and loud man taunting his suicidal son on tv was too memorable to risk it.

“I’m the one who’s putting up the dough. I should at least get a good look at her tits!” But it was a no go.

So now Dee’s sitting in Jackie Denardo’s office when she walks in, binders under her arm, agitatedly talking into a cell phone. So agitated that she doesn’t even see her until she sits down at her desk.

“SHIT FUCK!! Wait a minute Mark, I’ll call you back. Excuse me who are you?”

“Hi! I’m Dee Reynolds” she sticks out her hand, all fake smiles, but Jackie ignores it, opting instead for hovering her hand over the intercom.

“How did you get in here?”

“Oh don’t worry about that. Now, we’re both very busy women so I’m gonna get right to it: my brother’s been going through a really hard time…”

“Look, either you leave or I call security.”

“There’s ten thousand dollars in it for you.”

Jackie slowly puts down her hand. “Go on.”

“My brother Dennis lost his wife to cancer recently. A real tragedy, very sad, and his only joy lately has been watching you on the news. He says that you remind him of her.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he says you have the same eyes as Marie and that looking at them is the only thing that gives him peace.”

“Sooo…” 

“I’m gonna be honest with you. We are very wealthy, I mean completely loaded, and I want to do something nice for him. He’s got so little joy in his life, he’s wasting away, he looks like a ghoul! Just, a deceased, putrid piece of shit, totally pitiful.”

“So… you’re asking me out on a date for him?”

“No! Hahaha that’s crazy! No! I just want you to go to dinner with him, and for your troubles I would compensate you with 10 thousand dollars.”

“I’ll do it.”

Dee was very miffed that she’d said 10 thousand. It was apparent now that she could have gotten away with offering five and pocketing the difference, but she’d just blurted it out, she was so sick of being escorted out of places by security.

“You don’t have to sleep with him or anything like that, it’s just sharing a nice dinner…”

“I said I’d do it.”

And just like that, she got Jackie. Everything was going according to plan, and Dee was on her way to being respected by her brother.

* * *

  
  


Meanwhile, Dennis sits in a rental car in front of Charlie’s apartment. It has to be a rental, the Range Rover is too recognizable. 

He glares at every man who goes in or out of the building. At one point, maybe an hour into his stakeout, Mac and Charlie came in, fussing over a small parcel Charlie had tucked away under his arm. They haven’t come back out yet, and Dennis is sure Mac wouldn’t invite someone over with Charlie there, so the stakeout really serves no purpose at this point.

Still, Dennis stays put. Did the stakeout even have a purpose in the first place? What’s he gonna do if he sees Z, or anyone else for that matter, enter the building? Get out of the car and fight them? Fight them for what? Mac’s  _ nothing  _ of his. He can hook up with whoever he wants. I mean, he  _ can,  _ but that doesn’t mean Dennis has to like it.

He reminisces about the times when Mac used to hook up with girls. Hook up being the operational word here. Never date, never be in a relationship (except for Carmen, but Dennis doesn’t count it, because sneaking around to see somebody in secret is  _ not  _ a relationship). Just hook up. 

He never minded one bit, well, except for his mom, but that was another story. Other than that, it boosted his ego, because Mac always hooked up with the most undesirable girls. The ones Dennis didn’t want, or the ones he was already done with. Sometimes he’d bring them home, and Dennis would listen through the door. The sex always sounded short and unsatisfactory. He sometimes even heard Mac begging them to stay afterward, to no avail. It would have been funny if it weren’t so sad.

Dennis knew Mac wasn’t in love with these girls, so he didn’t understand why he wanted them to stay after he got what he wanted. Then it dawned on him that Mac was desperate for whatever crumb of affection he could get. Just human contact. He didn’t really want to have sex with them, he just wanted them to run their fingers through his hair and tell him he was worthy of love. But they never stayed, they got out of there as fast as they could and Dennis had to be a little softer with Mac the following day, maybe scoot his stool a little closer to his at the bar, and Mac would look at him with that grateful smile of his that went all the way up to his eyes, like he understood what he was doing. 

It was so safe and easy, knowing that no girl could ever replace him. The first time Mac had come out, in the cruise ship jail, Dennis had felt what the rest of their friends felt: relief, a huge  _ fucking finally,  _ an exhale shared by four people at once. He was even annoyed when he took it back. 

The second time Dennis wasn’t expecting it to stick. After the cruise he’d had some time to think about what would happen if Mac came out for good, and had decided he didn’t  _ want  _ it to stick after all. All their little rituals, the weekly movie nights and monthly dinners, all the porn watching and, of course, the fact that they stayed living together way beyond what would have been expected… all those things took on a different connotation now, didn’t they? Suddenly it became harder to justify them being just normal platonic activities between two friends. So, the logical thing to do was to pull away from Mac, until the asshole decided to go back in the closet.

Mac thought it was because he was gay. Ridiculous, Dennis thought. He’d always known Mac was gay, he’d figured him out not even a month after meeting him, Dennis was no homophobe, he wasn’t ignorant white trash like Mac. It was because he was  _ openly  _ gay, goddamn him. It was Mac’s fault that Dennis had had to pull away from him. It was completely his fault that he couldn’t smile at him like  _ that _ anymore, that he had to catch himself every time he went to sit too close to him, every time he wanted to rest his head on his shoulder and fall asleep during Predator. 

Dennis had thought that that was the worst part of Mac’s coming out, until the men started rolling in. So many goddamn men. Mac leaving the apartment at all hours, coming back with his shirt inside out and his hair in disarray. Was he just inherently luckier with men, or was it that he was finally putting real effort into hooking up? And then, they started coming over. 

The first time he’d heard Mac come in late at night, joking and laughing with some man Dennis never saw, he’s been lying in bed trying to fall asleep. As soon as he heard the door to Mac’s room close Dennis sneaked out of his own and tiptoed up to his door, putting a glass from the kitchen up to it. Turns out, he didn’t need to strain so hard to hear what was going on in there. Mac was getting that asshole to make some sounds he’d never gotten out of women. What could Mac be doing to elicit them? He pictured him on his knees, lips wrapped around some stranger’s dick as he showered praise on him, words he’d never heard coming from a girl in that room, “oh yeah Mac you’re so good, yeah, just like that, fuck”, running his hands through his hair, maybe tugging on it a bit? Or a lot?

Dennis knew Mac liked to be dominated. He’d gotten it out of him during the course of a series of browned out conversations, and anyways, it was sort of obvious, he’d always lusted after the largest beefcakes he could find. Mac telling him he liked it when a guy put his fingers in his mouth, being manhandled, thrown on the bed, tossed around. Dennis knew that Mac liked to follow orders, sex was an inherently shameful activity to him, so he liked to be punished, degraded, to expiate his sin during the act of committing it.

From the sounds, Dennis imagined the unseen beefcake pinning Mac to the bed now, getting on top of him, and Mac’s cheeks would be red and his lips would be swollen, hair in disarray and blown out pupils, looking up at him. And if the stranger  _ knew _ Mac, which he didn’t, he’d know that Mac needed a little tenderness with the roughness, a soft caress, a “good boy”. But he surely didn’t know. Dennis wished with all his might that he didn’t know. 

Suddenly he’d realized that he was sitting on the floor, leaning against his roommate's door, touching himself on top of his pajamas. Oh god what’s the matter with him? Dennis ran off before Mac could get the anonymous asshole off, and he put on one of his tapes on his laptop, focusing on the girl as he jerked off. Picturing Mac in her place, on all fours in front of him, and that’s when he came. He couldn’t fucking help it, the human brain is treacherous and strange.

So what is Dennis doing outside Charlie’s building in a rented Toyota Corolla? He has no idea. It’s just this stupid fixation with Mac, because he’s not in love with Mac, and he’s never going to be in love with Mac. It’s just this stupid fixation, it’s just his drive to always one up him, one up everybody around him. It’s not love, it’s not pining, because Dennis doesn’t love, and Dennis doesn’t pine. 

Goddamn Mac should have never come out of the closet. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to all the gay kids secretly in love with their best friends! And shout out to the oblivious and repressed best friends <3
> 
> Doing my best to update regularly, thank you so much for reading


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for brief mention of coerced sex

Dennis is awakened by a tapping on the window. He fell asleep in the car? It’s three am, goddamnit. It’s bad enough that he’s been skipping his nighttime skincare routine so often because he’s been coming home too drunk to go through with it. Luckily it’s Charlie and not Mac tapping, and he rounds the car, getting into the passenger seat.

“What the hell are you doing here, man?”

“Can a man not sit in his rental car wherever he sees fit?”

Charlie exhales a long sigh. “You gotta stop doing this Dennis.”

“What am I doing” Dennis spits out defiantly. Charlie thinking he knows what goes on in his head. Ridiculous. 

“You’re trying to get Mac back, in your own unhealthy, ineffectual way.”

“I’ll never understand how an illiterate drug addict uses words like  _ ineffectual  _ in conversation.”

“You’re changing the subject, man.” 

“Look: I don’t want him back. I’ve never wanted him, I’ve been fantasizing about living alone since 1998! I’m just here because I worry about him, getting mixed up with the wrong crowd, having ill-adviced rebound sex, that sort of thing. So I’m watching out for him a little bit, even though I’m glad he’s finally out of my hair, I don’t want him to  _ suffer  _ or anything like that.”

Charlie’s narrowing his eyes at him. Out of all of the gang he’s the least susceptible to Dennis’ bullshit. 

“So, you just selflessly care about Mac being ok.”

“Of course I do Charlie! And  _ you  _ should too! I don’t think it’s wise for him to be whoring it up! How many more venereal diseases can he catch before his dick falls off? Not that I care about his dick, Mac’s just a really old friend, and I’m doing so good that I want to spread that positivity around, you know?”

“ _ I  _ think that what you want is Mac to regret his decision and beg you to come back, just so you can throw him out later, giving you the illusion of control and making you feel wanted again.”

“Pffff. Charlie that’s ridiculous. Anyways, you’re not gonna tell him about this, are you?”

“No way, man! Mac needs to be as far away from your bullshit as possible.”

“What?!” Dennis feels deeply offended at this “what bullshit? Why would he need to stay away? Are you high? You  _ do  _ know that Mac’s been chasing  _ me _ this whole time, right?”

“Exactly, Dennis. Mac’s finally taking steps to someday have a real relationship, where the other person loves him back, like me and the waitress! And I’m not letting you screw that up for him.”

“Ok Charlie, first of all? The waitress doesn’t love you. Second of all, Mac doesn’t love me either, he’s just obsessed with getting me into bed.”

Charlie looks at Dennis with wide eyes “ _ dude _ , are you really this dense?!”

“Oh, come on Charlie. He just wants to fuck me because he’s wanted to fuck me since the tenth grade. I’m the reason for his homosexual awakening, and really, could you blame him? But he doesn’t  _ love  _ me Charlie, he knows me too well.”

“Well, that’s surprisingly self aware. It’s true that most people wouldn’t be in love with you after getting to know you, but Mac’s kind of stupid bro, you know that.”

_ Not stupid enough,  _ Dennis’ mind counters on its own, but Dennis’ mouth says, “If you think that he’s in love with me then you’re just as stupid as him. Mac only thinks that because he can’t get me. If he did, he’d realize what I’ve known all along, that he’s just obsessed with banging me and he’ll move on to the next obsession. He doesn’t love me Charlie, that’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, it  _ is  _ ridiculous, we can agree on that.”

“So you’re not gonna tell him I was here, right?”

“No Dennis, not for you though, for him.”

“Of course it’s for him! I don’t want him to suffer any more than he already is!”

“Well, Dennis, he’s  _ not  _ suffering. He’s pretty ok.”

“Pfff. That’s preposterous, he doesn’t know how to be on his own.” 

“Nah man, he doesn’t need you watching out for him, he’ll figure it out.”

Dennis’ face is a mixture of incredulity and amusement. “Yeah yeah. Whatever you say Charlie.”

“Yeah. I gotta get back to Carmelita, she’s having trouble sleeping with Mac’s snoring and I need to make sure she knows it’s not a predator. But STOP STALKING MAC. Let him be happy, dude, you owe him that.”

And with that, Charlie’s out of the car and hurrying off to see Carmelita (what the fuck is a Carmelita?) and Dennis puts the car in motion towards the apartment. Poor Charlie, the glue has made him completely lose all contact with reality. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Goddamnit you stupid workout turkey! Why won’t you go out with Mac?! I  _ know  _ you’re gay you dipshit.”

“You  _ knew _ ? And you still pressured me into sex with you?”

Dee’s on the phone with Rex. She figured that the best way to get Mac to see Dennis with Jackie was having him bump into him during dinner. It’d be too suspicious if she or Frank invited him, and she wasn’t about to get Z to take him, she didn’t want to be responsible for whatever happened if one of Frank’s bridge friends set foot inside a fancy restaurant.

“Of course I knew, Rex!”

“So why’d you do it?!”

“Damn it can you just focus on the matter at hand? I know you’re off the berries, Mac’s gonna be into you again! It’s free dinner and sex! Homo sex! What more could you want?”

There’s a sigh at the other end of the line. 

“It’s just that I’ve realized that your friends are… they’re kinda toxic Dee. And frankly, so are you. I don’t even know how you got my new number, but you’re a big part of why I changed it.”

“Ok, I’m gonna level with you: Dennis? sure. He’s toxic as fuck. So is Frank. But Mac? Mac’s a little ray of sunshine! He’s never done a bad thing in his life! he’s just a man, looking for love, or human connection, or a quickie in the coat room, whatever  _ you’re _ looking for!”

“But why are you setting us up? Why buy us dinner?”

“Because you deserve it! You’re good people and I want to see you happy, isn’t that enough?”

“Uhhhh… I guess…”

“Alright! So, Friday at eight. Now listen up, because there are lots of stipulations: first thing, Mac can never know that  _ I  _ set you up. Second, you have to make it very clear that you’re open to sex, or Mac may not remember to show up, third…”

Rex was starting to regret this, and he hadn’t even agreed to it in the first place. Sure, Mac was looking good, but he could get a guy that looked good and didn’t come with all the gang’s bullshit. Still, he was already in it, and he was too nice to try and get out of it now. 

Maybe he  _ was  _ just a stupid workout turkey, Rex thought sadly as he drank his protein shake and listened to Dee go on about the (mostly sexual) ways to keep Mac’s attention. 

“You know what? This is probably too complicated to get over the phone, especially for a cardio jerk like you”, Dee interrupts herself. “I’m coming over.”

“No! Please don’t…”

But the line is already dead.

* * *

Mac and Charlie were spending the day taking care of Carmelita, making sure she was comfortable and happy in her new home. At least Charlie was. Mac had gotten distracted long ago, so he’d worked out, overcooked and under condimented some boneless, skinless chicken, watched some MMA, and was now stomping around the room, frustrated because Charlie’s presence didn’t allow him to beat off.

He thought about it, just whipping it out while Charlie played with his new rat friend, but it seemed so wrong. Charlie was like a brother, he pondered as he did crunches on the floor, and a pretty gross brother at that. He wanted to rub one out in front of him as much as he wanted to molest Frank while he was sleeping.

It wasn’t a very  _ straight  _ activity, was it, jacking off with another man. Why had they started it, him and Dennis? It’d been Dennis’ idea hadn’t it? Didn’t that mean that he was into him? At least a little bit? The fact that they had stopped doing it immediately after Mac came out is sort of the confirmation that Dennis  _ knew  _ it wasn’t normal friend behavior right? 

Well, since when was Dennis a normal anything? Mac counters against himself as he takes sips of beer to keep hydrated during his push-ups. Dennis  _ lives  _ off of admiration, having Mac present while he masturbated was just another way to show himself off. The same reason why he made all those sex tapes. 

Mac liked to imagine what it was like to be the girl Dennis was flirting with during his tapes. Not the ones on screen, never the ones on screen. There was a sort of distance in the way Dennis treated them. A sort of disdain that couldn’t be explained by kink alone. It was as if they repulsed Dennis just as much as they turned him on. 

Mac meant the hypothetical girl watching the tapes. The one who Dennis winked at while he was getting blown, the one that made him look at the camera more than at the girl in the room with him, blowing her kisses, looking intensely at her while he pounded some stranger into the bed. Did she exist? Mac knew no one else watched the tapes, just him and Dennis. So, was this invisible girl just a character Dennis dreamed up? His ideal girlfriend maybe, a girl who’d watch the tapes with him and get turned on, touch herself to his image as he blew her kisses from the past. 

He wonders if Jackie’s that girl, the girl that gets all of Dennis’ attention, compounded by the years into a million kisses, winks, half smiles and heavy lidded glances. All directed at her, the girl from the future, the girl Dennis has been courting, without knowing her, since the fucking mid-nineties. 

“Mac! Answer that! The noise is stressing Carmelita the fuck out, man!”

Mac’s deep in thought as he answers his ringing cell phone, not even bothering to look at the number. 

“Yeah whaddaya want.”

“Hey, Mac? It’s Rex.”

If Mac were more observant, he’d notice how tense and unnatural Rex is sounding, but the truth is that Mac barely notices anything that doesn’t have to do with what’s occupying his mind right that very second. Dee and Dennis are usually hypervigilant of their surroundings, always searching for things to take advantage of, or get irrationally angry at, depending on the mood. Charlie’s surprisingly observant too, just that he usually draws the wrong conclusions from his observations, and Frank doesn’t count since he’s always riding high on a wave of drugs and dementia.

Sometimes the gang talk about how Mac should see someone for his ADHD when he’s not there. The way they talk about Charlie getting therapy for his PTSD, Dee finally dealing with her depression or Dennis… well, with Dennis none of them know where to start, there’s so much destructive shit to sort through, so much wrong that they secretly feel sort of guilty about it, since they watched him worsen through the years and did nothing.

Of course, they talk all this shit behind the subject’s back, or use it to insult and embarrass each other, so no one ends up taking it seriously, and no one ends up getting any help at all.

Crabs in a bucket.

“Oh hey Rex, how’s it going?”

“Good Mac. How’s it going with you?”

“Yeah I’m real busy now so what’s this about?”

Rex looks at Dee, who’s sitting in front of him, listening to Mac on speakerphone, so she writes something in a notebook and holds it up for him to read:  _ ASK HIM OUT YOU DUMBFUCK!!!! _

“Would you like to go out to dinner?”

“What? Like, to eat? Why?”

“I don’t know why… OUCH!” Dee’s just smacked Rex on the side of the head “just, I wanna take you to dinner, I guess?”

“Ok…” Mac narrows his eyes “is there like, something else on the table or are we just having dinner or…”

“I don’t know, man, do you wanna or not? Oh. Right. Sex is officially on the table but I can’t promise we’ll end up doing it.”

“But like, what are the odds of us banging after dinner? Cos I got shit to do.”

“Uhh… regular odds?”

“Ok that’s good enough for me.”

“Great, I guess. Guigino’s tomorrow? At eight?”

When he hangs up Charlie’s giving him the thumbs up. “Dude! You’ve been obsessing over that guy’s body for ages! Way to go!”

“Yeah, I guess.” Mac’s sort of annoyed, he was thinking something that seemed important at the time when Rex went and interrupted him, but he can’t remember what it was, so he just sits and watches Charlie build a little cardboard and hot glue castle, while Carmelita naws on the drawbridge he’s already constructed. 

* * *

**6:30 pm**

**On a Friday**

Rex is getting home from the gym. He guesses a fresh shave and some dress pants is enough preparation for a date he doesn’t want to go on in the first place. He’s got one of Frank’s credit cards to pay for dinner, and he’s not going to use it for a single thing besides dinner. He’s even going to get something cheap off the menu, it wouldn’t feel right, going all out with someone else’s money. He hopes that Mac isn’t too insistent on going home with him after, getting tangled up in the gang’s shit (more than he already is) is not worth it. 

…

Mac is putting on his grey polo shirt. He decides that this is a two cologne occasion, because Charlie’s right, he  _ has  _ been lusting after this man for over ten years. Still, he can’t bring himself to care too much, there’s something missing. Rex is too nice, he lacks an edge. But why would he want someone with an edge anyways? Someone like Dennis, who’s practically all edge? He ponders on these things as he gels down his hair. At least he’s going to get dinner out of it, and you bet your ass he’s going to order the most expensive thing on the menu. He thinks that the only reason Rex invited him is to get him into bed later, so he makes sure to give his dick a generous two cologne rubdown. All things told, he’d rather be fucking Z under the bridge. Way less hassle. 

…

Dennis is an hour deep into his pre-date routine and he’s just had a pleasant surprise: his girdle won’t fit him anymore. The tightest it’ll go makes it sit loosely on his hip bones. Does this mean that he doesn’t need a girdle anymore? No, that’s ridiculous. He just needs a smaller girdle, but he guesses he’ll just have to go without tonight. 

Two people cycle through his mind as he goes through his beauty ritual: one is Jackie. Jackie sitting in front of him, wearing something deep cut, flipping her hair, eyes sparkling as she laughs at one of the jokes he has in his “date small talk” binder. He’s gonna play up the bereaved widower role, and she’ll be so impressed by his commitment to his dead wife that she’ll want to be her, she’ll strive to take her place, and have him be as devoted to her as he was to Marie, tragic cancer victim. The sexual performance you can get out of someone that’s trying to thaw your heart after such a big heartbreak is something Dennis can only dream of. That person being Jackie Denardo, the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen in real life? It’s his wildest dreams coming true, and he congratulates himself on the best scheme he’s come up with yet. 

The second person is Mac. Dennis imagines Dee’s going to just bring him over to the table. It’s not going to be like that, of course, but he can’t bother with the details, that’s what Dee’s for. Will he just glare at them? Will he lash out and make a scene? Or will he just stuff everything down and try to seem unbothered as he greets them? Dennis thinks that that would be the most satisfying option, because then he could goad and taunt him until he  _ sees _ his heart shatter. He’s gotta look good doing it. He’s gonna look the best he’s looked in his life. 

…

Jackie Denardo is doing her make-up. She could never get it as good as the make-up artists at the station, but she took a shower and it washed off. She took a shower because she expects the evening to end in sex. She’s counting on it.

Jackie hasn’t had it easy, a family tendency for addiction has followed her around her whole life, and has decided, in her middle age, to settle on gambling. It follows that Jackie owes a lot of money to a lot of people. You can do a lot with ten thousand dollars, she thinks as she powders her cleavage. Namely, you can bet on some games and get more money to pay your debts and then gamble some more. If these assholes have that type of money to throw away on blind dinner dates, then they’re her new best friends. She doesn’t give a fuck how this stupid widower looks, he can be a literal putrid piece of shit, but she’ll have sex with that piece of shit, and he’s gonna goddamn enjoy it, cos she’s gonna take this family for all it’s got. She’ll even let him call her Marie in bed. 

Jackie sometimes has moments of clarity, where she wonders how she let it all get this far. They’re few and far between though, and none of them happen when she’s contemplating ten thousand dollars just falling onto her lap. She spritzes some perfume into the air and walks through it on her way out to Guigino’s.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story doesn’t really move forward all that much in this chapter, I’m saving that for the next one, though we do learn a couple of things about how Dennis’ stupid, _stupid_ mind works. 
> 
> What do you want to happen over dinner? I’ve got my own ideas but I’d love to hear more, so any comment is very appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

Dee is standing outside Guigino’s. She’s made it so that everyone arrives at ten minute intervals, it’s just easier that way. God she’s good at this.

First one through is Dennis at 7:30, and with a “just go sit and wait for me to bring her over” she sends him on his way. 

Jackie arrives shortly after, right on time. Oh shit, Dee thinks, she looks  _ good. _ For ten grand she didn’t expect her to half-ass it, but  _ goddamn!  _ As Jackie walks toward her in slow motion she can see why Dennis is so obsessed with her. She’s always gorgeous but tonight she’s a freaking goddess. Still, Dee pulls herself together and tries to look unimpressed, she’s not going to make her feel any better about herself than she already does. She’s never uplifted another woman in her life and she’s not about to start now. 

“You might have worn something a little less low cut, it’s a family establishment you know. Now remember, you’ll get the other 5 thousand after dinner. Let 's go.”

Dee has thought up a clever loophole, even if she does say so herself. The twins had already agreed that Dennis was going to be furious with her for bribing Jackie. She’d put that in because she knew he wanted to look good in front of her and not like the pathetic white stain he was.  _ But,  _ it also meant that when Jackie came by to collect the other half of the money Dee could say that Dennis  _ hadn’t  _ in fact agreed to the date, and that staying for dinner anyways was on her. Dee’s standing to become five thousand dollars richer.

_ Take that money and fuck off to somewhere better _ , a part of her brain tells her as they walk up to Dennis’ table. The other part says  _ where? Who else would have you? What would you be without the gang?  _

To Dennis’ credit, his acting is on point. Probably because he has to feign anger and disgust at Dee, which are emotions he’s entirely comfortable with.

He stands as they approach the table.

“Jackie Denardo?”

Dee seems so pleased with herself, and it makes Dennis’ performance all the more enjoyable to him.

“Hello brother. I shan’t be dining with you this evening, in my stead I have brought Jackie Denardo, so that you may remember your dearly deceased spouse.” Dee hadn’t remembered to put on a bougie accent at Jackie’s office, so she’s gonna seize this opportunity.

“I don’t understand...”, Dennis can sound so unassuming and good natured when he wants to, and Dee pulls him aside and pretends to whisper something in his ear. Jackie meanwhile stays standing by the table, all smiles, as if awaiting her cue.

“WELL THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!” Dennis goes up to Jackie and puts his hand on her shoulder, looking deep into her eyes. “I am so,  _ so  _ sorry.” he turns toward his sister. “ _ Why _ am I surprised that you would do something so outrageous? It’s the same thing that happened with your last husband! He was disgusted by you,  _ repulsed _ by your appalling lack of hygiene, but you kept throwing money at him! in a sad, pathetic attempt to get him to love you, and what did you get? He ran off with the housekeeper.” Here he looks briefly at Jackie, his face conveying a profound pity for the sad, lonely, bitchy whore that is Dee. “You need to learn to stop leaning on our family fortune Deandra, you have  _ never _ achieved anything on your own, and now  _ this _ ?! You try to bribe this poor woman to come to dinner with me?! no wonder every man in your life leaves you as soon as they milk you for all you’re worth. Get out of my sight, don’t embarrass me or yourself any further.”

Dee scampers out with the whole restaurant watching and judging. The scarecrow, scaring off the other birds. Fucking Dennis, why is she helping him again? What did she expect anyways, gratitude? Recognition? Respect? Still, it’s no time for introspection because she bumps into Rex at the entrance, and her drive to get the scheme right takes over.

“Rex! Good, you’re here. You think you could have maybe put a little more effort into your appearance?” Rex looks down at himself and opens his mouth to utter an excuse for his perfectly acceptable business casual attire, but Dee cuts him off with “whatever, just go in there and wait for Mac.”

She’s watching from across the street when the stench hits her, Mac’s coming towards the restaurant.  _ Oooh you’re gonna get your heart broken today Ronnie boy,  _ she whispers as she watches him check his armpits for sweat stains in the restaurant window’s reflection before going in (goddamnit Mac, you do know windows work both ways right?). 

Now what? Go back to her apartment, where Frank’s camping out in the living room, feeling sorry for himself? Why couldn’t he have just stayed at Dennis’? There’s an extra room and everything. Whatever. If this thing works Frank will be out of her hair in no time, and Dennis will have to admit her tactical genius. 

_ But why?  _ Asks the little voice in the back of her head.  _ Why do you need Dennis to appreciate you? Why do you need his approval?.  _ Shut up, Dee thinks, as she settles into her car and opens a beer to drown out the little voice. Shut the fuck up. 

* * *

“I reiterate my apologies for my sister, this is absolutely mortifying.”

Jackie’s looking at him as if he was the only man in the restaurant, batting her eyes, twirling her hair, and Dennis is on top of the world. He’s got her, she’s completely smitten. He  _ knew  _ he still had it, he’s a five star man! 

“Oh it’s no problem. I actually came because I was so moved by your story, the money’s completely inconsequential.” She waves as if swatting away a fly. “So, just forget about your sister and tell me about Marie! I’d love to learn more about her.”

Dennis smirks as he fills her glass with wine. This is going to be so fucking easy. “Well, she was a neurosurgeon. She was also an Olympic athlete and a three time beauty pageant winner, as well as a philanthropist and a…” suddenly he’s frozen in place. Is that Mac?  _ Having dinner with Rex?! _

“Yes? Dennis?”

A few tables away, Mac and Rex are ordering appetizers. It’s been an awkward first few minutes. Not for Mac, Mac is completely oblivious to what’s going on around him, but for Rex, who can’t seem to figure this guy out. The first topic of conversation, after a warm greeting and embrace, where Rex had to block a roving hand wandering towards his ass, had been the creatine shits. A recurring problem for both of them, sure, but hardly dinner date conversation material. Mac had then gone through a battery of increasingly offensive jokes, in which he managed to insult every ethnic group to have existed without ever being remotely funny. Now he was ordering the most expensive appetizer on the menu (and Rex knew this because he’d actually asked for “the most expensive appetizer on the menu”) while flirting with the visibly uncomfortable waiter. 

Dennis can’t sit still any longer.

“E.. excuse me Jackie, I’ll be right back.” 

He locks himself in the restroom, having taken the long route, away from Mac’s table. “Dee you bitch!” He screams into his cell phone.

“Hey” Dee answers from inside her car. “It’s not my fault Jackie’s not into you, you shouldn’t have worn that shirt, it makes you look like a corpse.”

“Oh Jackie’s into me, don’t you worry about that. You set Mac up with Rex?!”

“Yeah. I figured it would be a good way to get him into the restaurant. Has he seen you yet?”

“But why Rex, Dee? Out of all the people in Philadelphia, why Rex?”

“Why not Rex? I know Mac’s into him and he’s easy to push around. He’s perfect.”

“He is not perfect!” Dennis whisper-shouts.

“Shouldn’t you get back to your date? You absolute psychopath, why the hell do you care who I set Mac up with? We just want him to see you having a good time with Jackie, which he’s not going to do if you spend all your time screaming at me from what I  _ hope _ is the bathroom. You know, you are doing a very poor job in…”

Dennis hangs up. She’s right. He’s not going to tell her that but she’s right. Goddamn her. Ok, all smiles, you look amazing Dennis, you can do this, just focus on Jackie.

“What do you think about that guy?” He asks her as soon as he sits down. 

She follows his gaze. Mac’s sitting with his back to them, goddamn him, so Jackie gets an eyeful of Rex. 

“He’s um… he looks nice?”

“What do you mean nice? He looks like he’s a nice person, or he  _ looks _ nice?”

“For the record, I think  _ you’re _ the nicest looking guy in the restaurant.” Jackie rests her breasts on the table as she leans towards Dennis, but he doesn’t seem to notice.

“Well I think he looks like an asshole. We’ll both have the snapper” and he hands his menu to the waiter, who’d been patiently standing there since he got to the table. Jackie smiles at him. What a presumptuous dickhead, but she’s not about to complain. For ten grand she’ll eat whatever he wants her to eat. 

A couple of tables down Mac can’t seem to be quiet for one second. It’s as if keeping anything inside will cause him to explode, so he’s fidgeting as he takes huge mouthfuls of the most expensive dish on the menu, recounting an evening with Charlie where they thought they were being chased but it turns out they weren’t but, plot twist! They were, but only because they’d dropped a wallet, but it wasn’t their wallet, but they took it anyway, and that’s why Mac has a Subway gift card and would Rex like to go for a sub later because there’s no way this shit is gonna cover his macros bro. 

Meanwhile, Rex can’t shake the feeling that he’s being watched. It’s that tense looking guy in the table by the window. He looks familiar actually,  _ really _ familiar. By the end of his meal he figures it out, it’s the sexy mule! “Hey, isn’t that your friend?”

Mac turns around just in time to see Dennis in one of the brief moments he’s not glaring at Rex. Oh god. He knew Jackie was real, he  _ knew  _ it! Mac can recognize a beautiful woman when he sees one, and Jackie’s  _ gorgeous _ . He did it, he actually got his dream girl. So what are you gonna do? He asks himself. Are you gonna behave like a pissy little bitch, or are you gonna be a man about it? 

Dennis finally turns his head and sees him. Act normal Mac, your hair is small and you’re wearing just the right amount of cologne. “We should go over and say hi”, he says to Rex, but only because he knows that Dennis will never come over to  _ their _ table, and sitting there awkwardly giving each other sideways glances and sending passive aggressive wines has never been his thing. He hardly understands how human relationships work, much less the intricate ritual of insulting someone without saying a word. That’s Dennis’ forte. 

Dennis is wearing a huge smile as they approach his table, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, which is lost on Mac because he’s so busy just trying to seem cool and unbothered. He’s feeling very shy all of a sudden. It’s Jackie, up close. Her skin doesn’t seem to have any pores, her hair looks impossibly soft and silky, and her eyes sparkle like a pool catching the sunlight in the summer, before all the kids have gone in and muddied the water with sun lotion and piss. Her clothes look like they cost more than all of Mac’s possessions combined.

How did he ever think that he could compete with  _ that.  _ The funny thing is, Dennis knew all along, from the moment he saw her, that he was gonna get her. Maybe he’s not as delusional as they all think. Maybe he  _ is  _ right about everything. Maybe it’s true that he’s so much better than the rest of them.

“Hey! I thought that was you! Jackie, these are Mac and… Tex was it?” 

“Hi! It’s Rex actua…”

But Dennis is already interrupting him “how about you guys join us for dessert, is that alright with you Jackie?” She opens her mouth to say something but Dennis is already signaling the waiter for more chairs. Mac hasn’t said a word, he doesn’t know  _ what  _ to say, besides “hello Dennis” and “hello Jackie”, but the time for greetings has just come and gone. Rex is grateful for Mac’s sudden silence, maybe sitting with these people was a good idea after all.

“Hey! Aren’t you on tv?”

Jackie opens her mouth again to answer and again Dennis cuts her off.

“So, you two are dating now?” He asks conversationally. 

“Well, we’re on  _ a _ date.” Rex answers.

“I am so,  _ so  _ happy for you. Mac’s been having trouble holding down a man” Mac looks at Dennis in disbelief. If anything, he’s had trouble because of him! “Well, it’s hardly unexpected, it must be hard out there for a gay man in his forties who has nothing to offer… in terms of financial stability or a future, or even coherent conversation! I mean, I’m sure he’s got… other talents to make up for that.” 

“Well…” Rex actually agrees with Dennis, Mac is hardly a stellar catch, but it just seems so  _ mean _ to say it outloud. He gets the sneaking feeling he’s just a pawn in a game of which he doesn’t know the rules.

“Oh like  _ you _ have so much to offer!” Mac counters, a little too loud for restaurant volume. 

“Well, at least I’m not riddled with venereal disease, so there’s that.”

“I’m in remission! The nurse at the free clinic said I was in remission!”

Rex puts his hand on Mac’s arm to calm him down. He’s taking it from zero to sixty and Rex’s never liked drama to begin with. He just wants to live his life peacefully and do his workouts. That’s why he didn’t want to get mixed up with these people in the first place.

“Whatever you say buddy.” Dennis’ smile reminds Rex of a crocodile getting ready for his dinner. A waiter arrives and Dennis is ordering dessert for all of them, “trust me, you’re gonna love it. So Tex, tell us about yourself. Do you actually do anything besides weight lifting?”

“Yes, I’m…”

“Ha ha ha what am I saying? I’m just happy for you that you could find an occupation that doesn’t involve too much thinking. Mac here is a bouncer” he turns to Jackie. “Which means he mostly stands by the door and checks out dudes, he’s actually afraid of fights.”

“HEY THAT’S NOT TRUE, THAT’S SO NOT TRUE!”

That was definitely not restaurant volume. A waiter is coming over to ask him to lower his voice, and Dennis directs a smarmy smile at him “I have to apologize for my friend, he’s got… anger issues” then he leans toward the waiter with a whisper that everyone at the table can hear “he’s practically special needs, so please don’t be too hard on him.”

“NO! YOU’RE A PRACTICALLY SPECIAL NEEDS!” 

Dennis used to do this a lot. They’d meet a woman, and Dennis would want to fuck her, and so Mac would want to fuck her too, because his heterosexuality was modeled on Dennis’. Now, Mac was never as unappealing as Dennis wanted him to believe he was, but he didn’t need to be, because Dennis knew exactly what to say to make Mac appear like the obvious worst choice. Mac knew this, and he also knew that Dennis accomplished this with implications and insinuations, playing the game at a level Mac could never navigate.

Sometimes he did it under Mac’s nose without him even noticing, and sometimes it would be like this, and he’d wind him up tighter and tighter, until Mac snapped and Dennis looked on, in feigned surprise, as he labored to put his thumb through his eye. After that, who was the girl going to bed with? The guy who was smooth and suave, perfectly put together and in full control of himself? Or the one with the limited vocabulary, hair trigger temper and  _ What are you looking at dick nose  _ t-shirt getting kicked out by security?

And, well, that was what competing for women entailed, Mac got that. But the thing, the thing that hits him out of nowhere is that Dennis is here with his literal dream woman, who he’s already in a relationship with, and she hasn’t even glanced in Mac’s direction. And also, he’s gay.

Dennis is humiliating him just because, just for laughs, just to get his kicks, or, worse of all,  _ because he truly believes everything he’s saying.  _

Maybe these realizations would make another man walk away and not give Dennis the satisfaction, but Mac’s not that type of man. Rather, he throws himself across the table to throttle Dennis, upsetting the glasses and drenching Rex and Jackie in wine in the process. It’s the tried and true Mac way. Dennis just leans back and laughs.

“See what I mean?” He says to no one in particular, “I’m just trying to make conversation, but I guess you can’t really have a rational talk with Mac.”

“I’M GONNA KILL YOU YOU LITTLE BITCH!”

Rex grabs him just in time, but the damage is already done, and the four of them are unceremoniously ejected from Guigino’s. 

* * *

Dee watches from her car as Mac and Jackie come out of the restaurant while Rex and Dennis pay for their meals at the door. Rex is the first to come out and start walking away down the street.

“Rex! Wait up!” Mac runs up behind him. “Hey! How do you feel about fisting?”

Rex stops in his tracks and turns around. He’s never wanted to tell someone off so bad in his life, but he takes a deep breath and just says “leave it Mac, I’ll see you around” as he resumes his walking at a quicker pace. Mac follows him half- heartedly for a few steps, he doesn’t know what else to do with himself.

Meanwhile, Dennis emerges from the restaurant and Jackie turns toward him, smile far too wide for someone who’s just had one of her best tops obliterated by Pinot Grigio. “Dennis! Why don’t we continue this date somewhere more private?”

“The date is over, keep up!” And without even a second look, he turns and runs toward Mac. “Hey! Hey asshole! Wait up!” Mac starts walking faster but Dennis just jogs over to him, not caring who might be staring.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you?” Mac blurts out as soon as Dennis reaches him, and his expression is one of deep sadness. The anger from the restaurant is faded away, striped down, and this is all that’s left. Dennis takes a second to change gears. He was fully expecting there to be a fistfight, but this doesn’t feel like a fistfight. It feels like something worse.

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t  _ know?!”  _ Mac seems infuriated by his unexpectedly candid response. “ _ You don’t know?! _ Then who the fuck knows?! Huh?! Who the fuck knows what’s wrong with you? Cos there’s so, so much dude. There’s so much wrong, and I’ve been trying and trying and  _ trying  _ my whole fucking life, man! To fucking, just make you happy! Just, make it ok! but it’s never ok is it?! You got everything you want, you got the girl of your dreams, you got rid of me  _ and  _ you got to rub it in my face, and you’re  _ still  _ not happy, you’re still trying to make me feel like shit dude, and you know what?  _ you succeeded!  _ Congratulations! Are you happy now?! Are you happy that I wasted thirty fucking years of my life on someone who doesn’t even  _ like _ me?!”

Mac turns and walks away but Dennis is not going to leave it, so he follows him and gets right in his face. “And who told you to waste thirty years of your life huh? Was there a gun to your head?! Did I ever even ask for this?! You know the truth is you’re a goddamn coward, so you latched on to me cos I was  _ safe _ , cos I was unattainable, cos you couldn’t have me, and I’ve been trying to be your  _ friend _ while you try to  _ fuck me _ for thirty fucking years, and now you’re bitter?! You’re bitter cos I didn’t give it up?! Don’t put this on me dude, I never asked for any of this shit.”

“You think this is about wanting to fuck you?” Mac’s voice is surprisingly soft as he turns toward Dennis. “You really think this is about me wanting to get in your pants? You think I dye your hair and make your smoothies and stick around like a fucking dog begging for fucking  _ scraps _ cos I wanna  _ fuck you?!”  _ Mac’s voice gets progressively louder. Dennis is already at a hundred, face red, veins popping.

“Then what is it huh? Why do any of it?! Are you a fucking charity just taking care of mentally ill fuck ups cos you’re such a good person?”

“BECAUSE I LOVED YOU!”

Dennis stands frozen. 

_ Loved.  _

Past tense.

“I told you fucking years ago dude! I told you and you just looked at me like I was an insect, like I was fucking trash. Cos I was always trash to you wasn’t I? I was always so below you, you made me feel like shit all the time! Well I’m done feeling like shit, and you know what? You’re right. I  _ was  _ a coward, that’s why I stayed, that’s why I kept trying, while you gave me nothing.  _ Nothing _ . I was so fucking afraid to lose you but you know what? I’m doing so much better without you around. I’m giving my share of the bar to Charlie, have a nice life.”

“No!” Dennis can’t let him have the last word “no! This is  _ not  _ over Mac! You can’t just leave me! This is your life Mac! You can’t walk away from your life! You stupid fucking liar, you want me to believe this was all cos you  _ loved  _ me?! You tell yourself you’re this tragic romantic figure when the truth is I was just the only person who could ever put up with you! Your own fucking parents can’t stand you, so maybe be a little more grateful cos without me you would have had nothing!”

Mac takes one last look back at him and keeps walking, but Dennis can’t let up, so he just stands there, yelling. “You got nothing Mac! You’re nothing! You’re nothing without me! Nobody’s ever gonna love you! You’re ruined! Who’s gonna ever fucking want you huh? You washed up piece of shit!!” 

He yells and yells until he can’t make him out anymore. People are pointing and staring, but Dennis, who’s always so preoccupied with his image, doesn’t even register it. He just turns and undoes his tracks back to the restaurant, on autopilot, and he sees her standing there.

“Dennis! What happened? Where’d Jackie go?”

Dennis stops a few paces in front of her. They were together in the womb, and they’re together now. Why does she seem like such a stranger sometimes? Why is it so hard to just let her in? He looks at his reflection, staring at him in confusion, and collapses into her arms. The words out of his mouth are a surprise to him, they have never ever been uttered out loud, they have only ever existed in his most intrusive involuntary thoughts, in his worst mental breakdowns, in his dreams.

“I’m in love with Mac, Dee. I love Mac and I fucked it all up.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bastard Man Dennis and Big Feelings Dennis all rolled up in one. 
> 
> Commenting on this chapter is the right thing to do dear readers, so do.

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t know where this is going! So suggestions are very welcome. 
> 
> Edit: that’s a lie, I do know where this is going, the hard part’s figuring out how to get there.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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